Please, Lock Me Away!

I am not now, nor have I ever been 'cool' - there, I've said it!

You can blame Ken Bruce for this outburst.  This morning, in one of his 'spots', he played Peter & Gordon's 'World Without Love' and it was that which set me off.

You see, in my childhood and early teens, I suffered from what would then have been called crippling 'shyness' but which I now suspect might well be called something else altogether.  This condition manifested itself in many ways, but was expecially evident at the record shop.  I found asking for, and purchasing, popular music, hugely embarassing.  Don't ask me why, I just did! 

I was always terribly intimidated by the 'cool' youngsters who always worked behind the counter and sneered at their customers, usually egged on by a crowd of equally 'cool' (or aspirant') mates.  Under these conditions, I really didn't want to engage with the shop assistant at all but, needs must and all that, so I would attempt to reduce the level of interaction to practically nothing.  My favourite gambit for this was to root through the box of 'new releases' that usually lurked on the counter.  As this was rarely updated, if I was lucky it might (and I agree this was a long shot) still have the record I was looking for lurking in there.  However, more often than not, it didn't.  My hope was that, if there was a record in there that I wanted, then all I had to do was, hand this to the sneering youth, pay my money and get the hell out of there.  It rarely worked like that!

The other factor inhibiting any successful purchase was that, by the time I had raised the courage to go and attempt to buy a record that I liked, it was almost always past its prime and slipping out of the charts.  Therefore, if you were forced into a position where you had to ask for it, the sneering reached Olympic proportions because (a) it was a naff record you were asking about, and (b) they hadn't got a copy anyway because who wanted to buy anything that was dropping out of the charts?  Hence Peter & Gordon (you were wondering how they came into it, weren't you?)

I really wanted to buy 'World Without Love' but it had been and gone by the time I raised the courage.  As a consequence, I finished up with their marginally less successful follow-up 'Nobody I Know' (No. 10 in the U.K. Charts as opposed to No. ! for 'World Without Love').  That this was aleo my first ever single purchase means it is a lifelong source of embarrassment.  By the way, and not taking anything away from their success, but weren't Peter & Gordon the original 'nepo babes' as they now say?  After all, it's a little difficult not to have success if your first few tunes happen to have been knocked out by your sister's boyfriend, one Paul McCartney (who would have topped the charts globally, at that time, if he'd just hummed the telephone directory).

The same thing happened with Gene Pitney.  I really wanted '24 Hours from Tulsa' which I thought then, and still think, was a fantastically produced tune.  However, I was too embarrassed to ask for it.  I think my embarrassment was magnified by the adulterous subject matter.  Instead, I finished up with 'Nobody Needs Your Love' (which made No. 2 in the U.K.) which is ok, but it's not a patch on '24 Hours...'

One of my old school-chums went on to become a record shop counter assistant and I had the same problem with him!  He was undoubtedly 'cool', played guitar to a very high standard and was something of a legend on the local music scene.  I felt intimidated before I'd even walked through the door!

Nowadays, I'm learning to play the drums, which ought to convey a degree of 'coolness' but, I strongly suspect, does not.  At least I can indulge my musical tastes by buying online, so I don't have to embarrass myself face-to-face anymore.

I hold Ken Bruce entirely responsible for bringing back this litany of shame.  Of course, it could be worth a bob or two, as they always say, 'where there's blame, there's a claim', don't they?