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Advice? Comments?

Posted by _jacobea_ on September 1, 2007 - 18:21

I have recently resumed work on the first book in the series that i hope to publish one day. It is still only half finished and unedited, but advice and/or comments on this snippet would be much appreciated and beneficial in helping me improve it!

http://www.abctales.com/story/jacobea/book-one-extract

‹ White with a hint by margharita Flavia's Full Fat Granita by ldoolan ›

patmac | September 2, 2007 - 11:28

Well done. This is an atmospheric pirate yarn with a plucky heroine. It's described in a gripping context. It moves fast. It's well paced. You're something of a writer. Well done.

It needs polishing badly. You've used far too many semi-colons. You've used them as substitutes for full-stops and commas. But since you admit to not having edited this piece I can understand that. (It's well worth editing and polishing.)

I wish you luck with it.

Kind regards,

Pat

My latest killing is:
http://www.bookscape.co.uk/short_stories/human_sacrifice.php

_jacobea_ | September 2, 2007 - 15:40

Thanks!

I have a couple of friends running over the editing, and they have also mentioned my over-use of semi-colons, which i am trying to resist putting in too often, but they still slip through!

patmac | September 5, 2007 - 11:07

You might want to make it a kind of challenge between yourself and them as to who can spot most errors throughout. Because, I should imagine, as drafts become more numerous their enthusiasm will wane. But you've still got to have a perfect typescript.

Kind regards,

Pat

My latest killing is:
http://www.bookscape.co.uk/short_stories/human_sacrifice.php