I made the final of 'Britain's Got Talent' after crying in the semi-finals when my sword-swallowing act resulted in the emasculation of my esophagus. The audience went wild, Piers popped his clogs, Amanda reached climax and Simon said it was really, really, really, really somethingorother, but didn't think people would pay to see it.
I'm open to suggestions concerning my act for the final. This is my last chance.
Ewan | May 30, 2009 - 08:18
This is your moment.
It's your time.
You dreamed a dream.
Go on and burst into fits of tears,
as St Hughie the Oleaginous revolves
in his grave, the Ghost of Mickey Most
will say you're crap and it won't matter
- your dreams are only Simon's to shatter.
NaziWifebeater | May 31, 2009 - 00:00
I think you should fart the Blue Danube like that Mr Methane bloke. He was amazing.
threeleafshamrock | May 31, 2009 - 09:32
Shit...I mean Fart, I missed him; seen the fella juggling fire though...shame they weren't a double act; could have really set the place alight.
Azrop - why not try the other end?
NaziWifebeater | May 31, 2009 - 10:34
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvpcvtPiFZk&feature=channel_page
Here he is, on Britain's Got Flatulence. It's a joy to behold. This man is my hero.
The judges' poo-pooing of him (oo-er) just goes to show their cultural ignorance. The original flatulist, Monsieur Petomane, performed to Royal Families all over Europe, who loved him.
"After his act proved successful, he proceeded to Paris, where he took the act to the Moulin Rouge in 1892. His audience included Edward, Prince of Wales, King Leopold II of the Belgians and Sigmund Freud."
threeleafshamrock | May 31, 2009 - 10:58
Aww, NWB, Just watched the clip - bloody hilarious! Worth it if only to see Simon's face. There is a strange smell coming off my PC now though. He must go through some Persil though LOL. Brilliant!
Ewan | May 31, 2009 - 12:50
Hey NWB! Did you see the film about Le Petomane? It's quite old, Leonard Rossiter played him, I think. I watched it on video years ago, don't know if it's on DVD.
NaziWifebeater | May 31, 2009 - 21:03
No, I've not seen it. I'd like to though, cos anything to do with farting makes me laugh. I'm puerile like that.
chuck | May 31, 2009 - 21:54
I can see how skunk might enjoy that one. I found this heart-warming...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qWVKxe-T60
azrop | May 31, 2009 - 22:00
'Azrop - why not try the other end?'
Stick the sword up me bum!!!???
Sorry... my art is very special to me... and I do like to take it to the edge... but that's a paint brush too far.
NaziWifebeater | June 1, 2009 - 10:14
You don't necessarily have to stick the sword up your bum. You could do what Skunk does and use something else.
Patsycola | July 23, 2009 - 20:41
This might amuse you then, NWB:
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s1i18197
Skunk | July 25, 2009 - 06:03
I thought Britain had swine flu. Don't tell me there's a talent pandemic too. Let's hope its a mild one. Oh, and Mac has a big nose and sticky-out ears, so nyaah nyaah nyaah to him.