SO IT'S COME TO THIS.

Oh no the (BBC) world is coming to an end ;)elocution please!

It's just the shtreet man and as we know the shtreet is full of shit.

Bottoms Before Competence, Bollocks Bellowing Cows, Behind Barbedwire Compound, Buy Bob's Company, Better Be Cautious, Butterflies Better Come, Buttered Be Crumpets, Buts Be Comforting and so on.

The BBC's gone all beeby, see? We've had to put up with Alice Roberts and her extraordinary vowel substitutions for some time. She gays to the cayst to thray stains at raying baits. I wish she'd gay hame and take elocution lessons.

Two questions I'd like answered:

1) Where is Northern Island? We hear a lot about their weather. Is it New Zealand? Japan? Micronesia?

2) Does 'literally' mean 'literally', 'not literally', or is it simply spoken punctuation with the intensifying power of a dozen exclamation marks?

Fings ain't wot they yooster be.

The Beeb Beeb Ceeb as Peter Sellers used to say in an upper crust strangulated voice.

Alice cames from Bristol, they all talk like thet thar. Look et James May.

http://www.ukauthors.com
http://www.ukapress.com

I gave up on the Beeb the day Evan Davies admitted he tweets WHILE PRESENTING THE TODAY PROGRAMME. That's like doing something unmentionable in church. Only worse.

Pass me my smelling salts, Mabel.

The latest W.H. Smiths advert says 'you do the math.' My brother in the States wrote 'why do you write maths?' I replied that 'it's short for mathematics math would be short for mathematic.' Even the American spellchecker on this site doesn't like that word. I lurve technomology!

Seen on a machine in my doctor's surgery today. This was not a temporary written sign but engraved into the machine. 'Measurement results is displayed onscreen.'

this were very funny styx- a bit disheartening maybe- we all weep. I wonder whether the technics worked as well as the literacy?

I dunno what it did but you 'ad to stik ur whole arm in it. I'da been a bit frit of losing me arm.