sorry, I was only joking

Dear God

They haven't yet managed to turn the whole planet into their own private playground. Hurry up.

ps. Make it inoperable with a whole lot of pain.

Love from me.

and me

I can hardly wait till they leave..

They won't be going anywhere of their own free will. They're having too much fun.

Who?

Can we sack Jonathan Ross as a punishment?

Who?

Surely the fascist lackeys of the socialist reactionary insurgents with their toilet-trained pot-arsed dog-lizards haven't been sticking wally notes to their hot pranky noodles again? That's the world we live in. Get over it.

When we've killed all the dunky knob-ridden snarky bumlouts, made them all die of cancer in front of their maiden aunts, the world will be a much better place. Compulsory sterilisation for the clowny bumfest rape-arsed funky feuders.

I think I mean I don't like anybody with more money than me.

Do you know what the rich do? In the last thread they spent all day pressing buttons. You'd think they'd finish what they started, but no. Now they're planning to refuse to go to another planet.

Damn you, whoever you are. Jeremy Clarkson is just the ringleader of the International Clarkson Conspiracy.

Can we shoot Coldplay?

Ah, I've been trying to work out who we're against. Right. Clarkson, Jonathan Ross and Coldplay it is. If they won't stop not going to another planet, we know what to do about it. I think. Er - what do we do about it? I mean, I haven't got a gun or a cancer, and I so much want to join in.

FTSE100 has confused me again.

I'm just trying to understand this thread.

First of all I'm trying to find out who we don't like. Possibilities so far mentioned:

tan63 suggests:
1) Clarkson
2) Fascists

Presumably not Mussolini's Fascists since, last I heard, he's dead. Perhaps it's totalitarian single-party states we're against? If I see any I'll let you know. Or perhaps fascist is just a word like nazi or bastard - one we use to label people we disapprove of, a word divorced from any real meaning?

tan63 also suggests:
3) They

Perhaps everybody but me knows who 'they' are? Perhaps it's too obvious to mention? Whoever 'they' are, it appears they are trying to turn the world into a private playground, so presumably 'they' are in the building trade and, I deduce, 'they' like children. I still can't guess. Paedophile bricklayers?

Whoever these people are, they apparently intend to develop the means to travel to another planet, and then refuse to go.

Terrence Oblong came up with the name of one of the villains:

4) Jonathan Ross

I made a few suggestions of my own about who the bad people might be:

5) socialist reactionary insurgents
6) toilet-trained pot-arsed dog-lizards
7) dunky knob-ridden snarky bumlouts
8) clowny bumfest rape-arsed funky feuders

They all sound pretty bad to me.

Terrence Oblong then grassed up another group of bad guys:

9) Coldplay

This left me quite confused. I don't know whether Clarkson, Ross and Coldplay hang out together, but maybe they wear masks or stockings over their heads as a disguise? Apparently they've been meeting 'they' and plotting to refuse to go to another planet, after having paid countless billions to develop the technology to get there. I know Clarkson, Ross and Coldplay are wealthy, but can they really afford to finance interplanetary travel?

Maybe this is all in code?

I wish I understood!

"They" may be Russians opposed to Gay marriages! I think there are a lot of "they's" out there. All who do not think and act as I do! Ha ha There are "them" and "us". If we all could agree who "they" are then we would be getting somewhere, wouldn't we! I can think of a lot of "they's" and they are all more or less criminal in moral terms. But I don't know any personally to be honest. I think the moon would be over-populated if we sent them up there.
Nestled snuggly in the kingdum of Denmark I don't know who Jeremy Clarkson is but he does sound bad!
Then there are "they" he he who are plain stupid posing as intelligent- away with them- and then the whole International Cycling Union- who else? Frank Sinatra?

As usual you've gone straight to the heart of the matter, Pia. Everybody is somebody's 'they'. It doesn't matter who you are, someone is out there deciding 'what ought to be done about people like you'.

The newspapers can so easily sow hatred for anybody they choose in such fertile ground. "You know the 'they' you were talking about? The bad people? Well, we know who they are. It's asylum seekers. They're after your jobs. Better do something about them."

At other times it might be Moslems, blacks, Jews, gays, bankers, who knows who the papers might want you to hate next week?

Jeremy Clarkson isn't a bad person at all. He's a TV presenter on a popular car show called Top Gear. The problem is that he's a 'larger than life' personality, given to making ridiculous statements (as jokes). He claims (for instance) that all lorry drivers pick up prostitutes and kill them. Yes, it's a silly thing to say, but it's obvious to anybody with an ounce of brain that he's joking. Even the lorry drivers know that!

One day last week, Clarkson appeared as a guest on a bland, insipid program called The One Show. It's broadcast in the early evening, the kind of wet, empty TV you put on as background noise while you eat your tea. It has 'nice' stories about 'nice' people doing 'nice' things. Into the middle of that they drop Jeremy Clarkson.

In a brief chat session, Clarkson commented about a one-day public sector workers' strike that had just taken place. He said (joking) that he was all in favour of the strike since it was like being back in the seventies. London was empty. No traffic. He then said that, since he was on the BBC (which discourages bias in favour of any political party or organisation) he'd have to balance everything out. He then launched into a ridiculous rant about how he'd have all the strikers shot in front of their families, and so on. It was just Clarkson being Clarkson. It was intended as a joke. If he'd said it on his own show, nobody would have cared. His mistake was to say it on a wet show for wet people.

You can imagine the result just from reading the forum posts here. The Howling Ninnies had an excuse to howl! The world hasn't improved at all since Ross was sacked but, who knows, this time it might be different?

So, that's the story. Boring, huh? There are far more pressing things to worry about than Clarkson.

FTSE. To paraphrase Bob Dylan, it's probably better to keep your gob shut until you've worked out what it is you're trying to say.

Don't worry about it tan, just post again when you know.

I'd like to see the 'popular' government spokesman Jeremy Clarkson be given the opportunity on a prime time popular TV news show to give his opinion about Anders Behring Breivik next.

That isn't a joke for anyone too thick or bewildered to know the difference.

Maybe when he gets back from stuffing his fat head with rhinoceros horn in Beijing.

The peasants more sensibly make do with potatoes.

Please feel free to edit my last duplicated post FTSE. Looks messy.

50/50 I know what I could say. Whatever I said is a joke! Oh That Jeremy- I thought his name was James! Top gear "they" send here too but as I very seldom see the telly so... But I know what you are on about with the media Paul. One scandal after another. Those journalists don't know what to write about or even how to write, I think! I must say I take it all with a pinch of salt. "They" (hehe)- we get carried away, don't "we"? At the moment we are all (in this country) hating a minister from the former government. They sure are lucky that they are former, because everyone hates him and them.
Don't mind a bit of a laugh either- things can be so f.... serious that they are funny. Remmeber when we were kids and got a laughing fit when someone died- well something like that! Gallow humour- ha ha whatever it's called. I suppose that is what Jeremy Clarkson is about some of the time?

Pia

Yeah Tan- I quite agree- there has to be a f.. limit to being funny... Maybe this Jeremy guy just can't draw the line! Unintelligent! Who does he think he is? I hope he doesn't try to say anything witty about Breivik- then I'll shoot him personally!

Pia

"At other times it might be Moslems, blacks, Jews, gays, bankers, who knows who the papers might want you to hate next week?"

Out of that lot, I reckon bankers are pretty fair game. They are greedy bastards. We have a right to hate them.

The papers are encouraging us to hate them? Yes, of course. Our press has such an enormous left-wing bias. Just like the Marxist conspiracy that is the BBC, Comrade Clarkson, Comrade Jim Davidson and all those other famous Trotskyists.

Archie, that is just plain weird. I can only suppose it was a joke? As my suggesting the Telegraph was left wing?

I used to work (on contract, not as an employee) for various merchant banks. Funny thing is, I never met any bankers. Credit Suisse had about 5,000 employees in Canary Wharf at the time I was there, spread over four different buildings. There were a lot of people just doing a job to earn a crust, many different jobs as a matter of fact, but where were all the evil 'bankers'?

I worked on the trading floor for a while and met a lot of wankers. They earned a lot of money, but nowhere near as much as footballers. Perhaps that's what you mean? Bankers are people who earn lots of money? Maybe footballers are bankers?

I was also at UBS at the time of the Nazi gold scandal. The bank circulated a directive that nobody was to talk to the press. They didn't expect their employees to approve of their actions and were scared shitless about what they might say. I'm talking about vice presidents receiving these memos. Even the vice presidents couldn't be relied on to be good Nazi bankers. As far as I can tell, the lawyers were the Nazis and the bankers were just obeying orders. Or maybe lawyers are bankers?

Maybe the people who circulated the memo were the evil bankers? No, they were just the usual management nobodies. They could have been working anywhere for anybody.

Maybe it's the people on the board of directors? Maybe they are the bankers? But like any corporate freeloaders, they have little idea what their company does, or who's doing it. In fact nobody really knows who's doing what and why, beyond the confines of their own little departments.

Lots of wankers; no bankers. Bum. I should have kept my distance and howled with the mob.

tan, I think you must be the product of our 'celebrity' culture. If I want to know about Gurkhas, I'll ask a Gurkha, not Joanna Lumley. If I want to know about conditions as a public sector employee, I'll ask a fireman, not Jeremy Clarkson.

Who gives a flying fuck what minor celebs say? I certainly don't.

Group hug anyone?

No, FTSE. I'm entirely serious and in agreement with the right wing, that the BBC is a Marxist conspiracy to gradually erode Western capitalist civilisation with its politically correct values, as can be seen by the outrageously politically-correct and blatantly Communist dogmas of Jeremy 'Che' Clarkson and Jim 'Chomsky' Davidson.

And Terry 'Stalin' Wogan.

Apart from Clarkson et al, I quite like the beeb too.

No one has mentioned Jeremy Paxman yet.

Well i just have obviously.

I met Terry Wogan once, when I appeared on his gameshow, "Stalin's Perfect Recall." He was very nice.

Funny, when I did Meeja Studies at my local primary school, now an accredited university, they did say something about BBC workers owning the means of production. I let it pass at the time, but in hindsight it seems very suspicious. I think you could be on to something, Mac.

Yes, bankers are absolute bastards. The problem is, finding one. I don't think they work in banks.

Blighters, I said I met a lot of wankers in banks. The people on the trading floor were arseholes and at home were probably exactly as you described them. But were they bankers?