I've been gazing into the plastic crystal ball I got from TKMaxx and have come up with a few predictions for the year ahead.
1) The Euro will completely collapse, followed by the Pound and the US Dollar, and the Rupee will become the new international currency.
2) The Olympic torch will be accidentally blown out by a freak wind as it passes through Worthing, and there won't be anyone around with a lighter to get it going again.
3) Nick Clegg and David Cameron will both give up politics and form another comic double act together.
4) Kim Jong-il will be succeeded by Kim Jong-wel.
5) Simon Cowell will buy Greece and create a new currency known as the Subo.
6) Britain will win gold medals in the Olympic darts.
jolono | December 31, 2011 - 15:44
Tesco will join up with Facebook and buy Europe and the USA. They wil then declare war on the rest of the world.
jolono | December 31, 2011 - 15:47
West Ham will gain promotion to the Premiership...now I'm just being silly!
Stan | December 31, 2011 - 15:55
Britain will also win gold in the Olympic Texting.
Stan | December 31, 2011 - 15:58
Text-Speak will become an official language and will be introduced into the GCSE syllabus.
Mangone | December 31, 2011 - 16:04
I predict that you will wake up in hospital in, what at first appears to be, a futuristic world.
You will quickly discover that you have been very ill but that you are now fully cured and will not need to re-enter the ‘psuedo world’ that was electronically created in your brain to help you deal with the constant pain.
You will suddenly realise why ‘life’ made no sense while you were ill and have a long and hearty laugh.
Once the medication wears off you will feel simply amazing and be filled with constant joy.
jolono | December 31, 2011 - 16:10
I'll have a pint of whatever Mangone is drinking.
Stan | December 31, 2011 - 16:22
Maybe it's what he's smoking...
You've heard of the Camberwell Carrot? I think we now have the Mangone Marrow!
lenchenelf | December 31, 2011 - 16:31
1) Research grants will be awarded by the Daily Splurge (tm) to develop Cabbage/Broccoli soup as an elixir of life, thus guaranteeing endless headlines and supplemental fart jokes.
2) in just over a years time, it will be 2013... then...
3)...at least three new apocalypse theories for 2020
4) but in the meantime, see (1)
Mangone | December 31, 2011 - 16:49
I don't imbibe but I am fond of an occasional sip of ABCt Ales.
I did smoke carrots in my youth but they made me cough and were bad for my memory.
Stan | December 31, 2011 - 16:56
...but good for your eyesight.
Can someone help me with this nine-skinner....
Mangone | December 31, 2011 - 17:05
Well, it is just after midnight here and the sky has exploded with a series of deafening bangs and dazzling lights.
Goodnight, I'm off to watch the fireworks.
A Very Happy New Year to ALL!
Stan | December 31, 2011 - 17:14
And you, mate. Where are you? Thailand?
Stan | December 31, 2011 - 18:07
Scientists will successfully cross a pig with a chicken. The resulting 'chig' will be able to fly... and will lay eggs that taste like bacon.
jolono | January 1, 2012 - 00:45
Simon Cowell eventually comes clean and we learn that he is in fact the Messiah! He joins forces with Facebook and Tesco and between them they rule the world!
Disaster strikes and Simon dies of an in growing toenail, Facebook becomes obsolete when a new social network begins to take hold called actually talking to people. Tesco goes broke in the summer of 2012 after declaring war on iceland. As we all know they just cannot compete with iceland!
But still West Ham cannot get promotion!