Absences

Saying, 'I want x'
Is an admission of an
Intrinsic lack of x -
Whether activity, substance or quality -
In one's life.

Therefore, I say it. But,
All the same, in some ways,
'I do not want x'.
Conundrum: fuck sake.

It seems to me more than penetration,
Like a psychic wound, or a dagger-thrust
Of my id: the propulsion into
The Other. It supplements an absence:
And isn't this natural? Supplements
Are elemental. It all fits.

It's funny how we see it as possession,
When in fact to supplement is to lessen
Oneself, by adding to what's missing.
I ought to feel "taken" "possessed" "used"
But here crude strength colours meaning
and says to admit in is to be taken.
But it is as worthy to be added to, not
Lesser to be lessened, and our terms show
Our fear of weakness and otherness.

To feel I'm contributing a wound
is an oedipal vanity: but still I can't
Ask her, even knowing i'm wrong. To
admit my lack admits her as my own supplement,
And I din't want my own inadequacy,
Or absence, exposed. That seems like weakness,
Though no douby vain, too.