Trout Mask Replica

Next in the den is Captain Beefheart, who is looking for investment in his trout mask replication service. Remember, he must get all the investment he asks for or he walks away with nothing. He begins his pitch confidently enough:

- Good evening, gorgons. I am Captain Beefheart. My magic band and I are looking for an investment of too much, in return for my mirror. Too much for my mirror, geddit? It's a kind of musical joke.

Captain Beefheart is off to a bad start. If there's one thing the gorgons hate, it's a man. Trumpet, who made his millions stealing from orphans, thinks he's spotted a flaw in Beefheart's hair pie.

- Why would anyone want a replica trout mask when the originals sell for ninepence on eBay? You haven't thought this through, have you? At least tell me it has unidirectional dust handling facilities.

Beefheart, with the sugar 'n' spikes look of a man whose dust blows in all directions, throws him a veteran's day poppy. Now Wheelbase is ready to show his hand. He waves it around a little, then puts his glove back on. He wants to know Beefheart's numbers. Beefheart gives him pi, e, i and aleph-null. Could Beefheart's charming band of ordinals pull things round for him, or is it simply a song title he hasn't yet thought of?

- It's the neon meate dream of an octafish. Meaty drean wet meat, foot phlegm orange in the meate dream scheme, great barnacled blunerfin, newnerfin, do nuffin, tuna fin, kachewin' on lacuna fin. That sorta thing.

The gorgons are clearly impressed by this new information. Mugshot offers him a sweet, sweet bulb, but it has a screw fixing and Beefheart must have bayonet. Remember, by the rules of the den he must get everything he dreamed of, and then some, or he walks away with less than he imagined. He might even stumble on the way out.

- Hello, I'm Toesnicker. I've been listening to my colleagues make fools of themselves and now I'd like to have you all to myself, you hunky great mountain of wild life. Do you fit comfortably in the boot of Dali's car, and should there be a diacritic of some kind over the 'i'? You can think about it if you like.

But Beefheart has better places to be and has gone to them, leaving behind a chill wind and assorted afterimages.