Part 1: The Azure Reverie

"Beep, beep, beep!" I reach over to turn off the alarm. I hate waking up before the sun rises, but David is insistent that the house we're going to look at is perfect. Perfect? Perfect is not usually a term I use lightly, but we've already seen at least fifty different houses and I trust his opinion. He is right more often than not, and although he pretends to be solely focused on the safety, strength and functionality... I know he's truly in search of that elusive home that both of us have longed for. We get in the car and begin our journey to the "perfect" house. He said it would take over an hour to get there. I don't mind, because he always lets me have control of the radio. The time passes by quickly, and we arrive at this long gravel road, its limestone rocks, surrounded on either side by huge sycamore and oak trees. I love trees. We get to the end of the road and I see it. The house, if you could call it that, is a muted turquoise color with white trim. It has a very unusual design, round, huge, and there is a tower at the very top. David gets out of the car and comes around to open my door. He's famous for his chivalric gestures. We start walking along a stone path up to the porch. The real-estate agent is on her way still, so I sit on the steps. The house is made completely of steel. The man, who built it, used the steel to make the house fire proof. The coldness of the steel radiates from the house. I can feel it on the steps. A little black convertible pulls up and this petite woman steps out of the driver's side. She is a strange looking woman, unattractive, and wrinkled more than usual for her age. She has bright orangish-red hair, obviously dyed, and she's wearing a green suit that reminds me of the vomit from The Exorcist.
David approaches her, and reaches out to shake her hand. "Hello, Mr. Matthews. My name is Rhoda. I'll be showing you the house today." You? I don't know if I'll ever get used to my automatic invisibility when women meet David, but I do find a little humor in the fact that none of them ever realize that it's not just his enigmatic smile that makes them feel suddenly ravenous. They come to join me by the steps and Rhoda unlocks the door and leads us inside. The first thing that captures my attention is the perfectly symmetrical staircase. I've always wanted a house with stairs, so that's definitely a selling point for me. Besides the staircase, I can't help but notice the overwhelming aroma of cedar, which is strange because the specs said that the hardwood floors were all Brazilian cherry. Rhoda leads us to the left of the stairs into a large open room with windows all the way around. My first thought is that it would make a great game room. As if he can read my mind, David blurts out, "Oo! This would make a great space for a pool table." I giggle. Rhoda is yammering on and on about the crown molding as we walk into this enormous kitchen. I'm immediately in love. The walls are a pale yellow, the counters are jade colored granite, and all of the appliances and cabinets are black. It has a long breakfast bar, where I imagine feeding the boys’ breakfast before sending them to school, and there is also a commercial topped stove. Rhoda shows us the broom closet and leads us around through a small corridor into the back of the house. Behind the stairs are a small bathroom and a screened-in porch. We continue around in a circle back to the living room that's in the back right corner of the first floor. Rhoda continues talking, asking us to envision watching TV as a family. The last room on the first floor is the dining room. It has large open doorways that make the living room, staircase, and game room visible. Rhoda walks over to the wall in the dining room. There are recessed windows in the wall, filled with piping. David walks over to one of the windows and begins telling Rhoda about the piping that's inside. He explains the sizes of each pipe and how they were made. I begin to wonder if she realizes how her face looks at this moment. She's not paying attention to any word he’s saying, yet she's completely enamored by the force he carries. Most people react that way to David when he speaks. He has this beacon that draws people in so completely, but I think I am the only person who knows how pure and unattainable the light truly is. I will forever desire to touch it, like I'm a June bug determined to fly all the way to the moon. I've heard him explain about pipes and tubing countless times and I can't look at her face anymore. I turn away from them and head to the stairs. He's right, as he always is. This house is perfect. It has an awkward beauty. The smell, the coldness, the design... I begin walking up the carpeted staircase. I'm appreciative for the carpet. I'll never have to worry about slipping on them, as I am often prone to clumsiness. I walk up twelve steps to the second floor. There is a banister that makes a circle around the stairs with bedrooms and bathrooms on either side. I continue another twelve steps to the third floor; it's almost identical to the second. I take three steps to the next set of stairs. They lead up to a dark blue door with a brushed-steel pull handle. The door is closed, which peaks my curiosity because all of the other doors were already open. I continue up the last twelve steps and open the door. It's a perfectly circular room, with a big bay window that stretches across the front, overlooking the sunset. The walls are taupe and the carpet is flaming red. As I step inside, I notice a chair that is the same color as the walls, sitting directly in the center of the room. There is a woman with long brown hair sitting in the chair. "Uh, hi. Are you here to see the house as well? We were told no one else would be here." The woman turns her face to me and I'm astonished by how beautiful she is. She has the brightest blue eyes I've ever seen. She smiles and says, "I live here". I become suddenly confused and I can't tell if it's because of what she said or the feeling that her smile was very forced. I stutter, "B...But I thought no one lived here." She looks at me again and says, "I've lived in this house most of my life", then she turns to look at the sunset. I immediately get this feeling of sorrow which makes me anxious, and I run out of the room and back down the stairs. Rhoda and David are still discussing the pipes and I interrupt, “Rhoda, I thought you said no one lived here. There is a woman, in the tower. She told me she lives here." Rhoda's mouth drops open, but she says nothing. I feel David grab my hand and I can sense his surprise without seeing his face. We leave the house and the ride back is silent.
The next morning, I wake up with the plan to return to the house. I can't fight my curiosity about the mysterious woman. I feel David kiss my cheek, and then I no longer feel him near. I grab my keys and depart in the direction of the house. I very seldom drive without music, it keeps me calm, but I can't bear the thought of sound at this moment. I pull in front of the house and I realize that I don't have a key to the door. I walk up the steps of the porch and reach for the door handle. To my surprise, it's unlocked. I make my way in and up the thirty-six stairs to the tower. I open the door and the woman is still in the chair, staring out the window. "Hello. I don't know if you remember me from yesterday. I apologize for running out the way I did." She interrupts, “it’s okay. You shouldn't apologize.” she turned her face to me. Those eyes. "I am Susannah. Would you like to sit with me? This view is so wonderful." I walk over and sit next to her on the floor. She is sitting with perfect posture and her hands in her lap, as if she's anticipating something. "My name is Lynn. Do you live here alone?" She stays staring, "Yes. My husband was killed some time ago." I look down at the floor embarrassed, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." She reaches her hand and places it on my shoulder, "You shouldn't apologize so much." We sit there in the room talking for what seems like a lifetime. She tells me about the woman who murdered her husband and how she was never able to prove the woman's guilt. Then a wave rushes over me and I realize. Susannah is a ghost. I curse my uncontrollable expressions, because she can see the question in my face. She says, "Yes Lynn, I was murdered." I gasp. I want to speak, but my words escape me. "By the same woman who murdered my husband", she says. I am stunned. I turn to the window and see the sun beginning to set. I stand and tell her goodbye. I don't want David to worry. That night, I climb into bed still shaken by Susannah's story and the fact that I spent the entire day with a ghost. David knows something is wrong. I can feel his worry, but he climbs in next to me and we drift off to sleep.
I wake up; the sun is bright and high in the window. It must be close to noon. David is gone. I don't feel him. I reach for my phone, but it's gone. I open my eyes and look around. Where am I? A hotel room, perhaps? I sit up in the bed and see a remote sitting on the comforter. I grab the remote and turn on the television. It's a news channel, but I stare when I notice the date at the top corner of the screen. July 17, 2004, strange... but for some reason that date is familiar to me. I get out of the bed and start to walk towards the bathroom. The phone next to the bed begins to ring. I hesitate, but pick it up and say "Hello". A soft voice answers, "Hello Miss Lynn. I am calling to tell you that your dress for the party is ready at the front desk", then the phone hangs up. I feel so confused. How did I get here? My dress for the party? I slip on some pants that are lying next to the bed and make my way down to the front desk. When I arrive at the desk, there is a woman waiting with a dry-cleaning bag. "Here is your dress. Have a great time", she says. I smile and take the bag from her.
I am inside a car I don't recognize with a man that is driving. He pulls the car in front of a house. Susannah's house. There are a lot of cars in the driveway and I can see people going inside the front door. I get out of the car, and the man pulls the car away. I look over towards the porch and notice a woman with a very peculiar gait. She is looking away from me, but I can see that she is very petite with long flowing black hair. I don't know how, but I suddenly feel a rush of emotions, love, sorrow, and fear all at once. Susannah has somehow become my closest friend, besides David. In fact, she's my only friend. I see the black-haired woman slowly walking up to the house. I know who she is. She's the woman who murdered Susannah and her husband. I start following behind the woman; she doesn't seem to notice me. As I get closer behind the woman, I hear this loud infectious laughter coming from the house. I look up to see Susannah standing at the door, welcoming the guests. She looks even more beautiful than I remember and the feeling of love becomes stronger in my heart. Susannah is wearing a bright blue satin dress that matches the blue of her eyes. I remember why the date was familiar to me. It's impossible, but somehow I've been brought back to the day that Susannah was murdered. As I get closer behind the black-haired woman, the instinct to stop her becomes overwhelming. Fueled by Susannah's laughter and a force I can't explain, I launch myself at the black-haired woman, pulling her to the ground. All I can feel is the rush of falling as my face hits the limestone gravel. I keep my grip around the woman and notice a pistol that has fallen on the ground beside us. I hear Susannah's scream and her high heels clacking down the steps. I flip the woman over beneath me and she swats her hands at my face. I grab her hands, but I can't see her face. Susannah grabs the gun from the ground and the police pull into the driveway. An officer runs over and pulls me off of the woman. The officer lifts her from the ground and arrests her. Susannah looks at me and says, “How did you know?” I can't speak. I'm consumed by pure adrenaline. I smile at her and she smiles back at me. I turn around and the car that brought me there is waiting. The driver is holding the door for me. I turn to look at her again and say, "Goodbye my friend", and get into the car. I fall asleep as the driver and I ride into the darkness.
I wake up and I'm in my bedroom. David is next to me. I can feel his warmth. I leap up from the bed with a strong burst of energy. I feel happy, truly happy. I go into our kitchen and remove the eggs from the fridge. I feel David come up behind me as I am cooking an omelet on the stove. He puts his arms around my waist and presses his nose into my hair, as if he's trying to absorb my smell. We eat our eggs and drink coffee with ice cream in it, and I can hear David reading the headlines in the newspaper. I finish my breakfast and go to get dressed. I want to go see my new friend, Susannah. I was convinced that David would forever be my only true friend. He has been my rock for so long and the only person who's ever understood me, until now. Susannah was my kindred spirit in a different way. Like the sister I never had. I feel David kiss me on the cheek and he's gone. I don't feel him anymore. I get in my car, turn on my "Wake up!" mix on my iPod and head off towards Susannah's house, excited to tell her about the dream I had of rescuing her and ask her what she thinks it could mean. When I get to the driveway, I notice something is wrong. It's no longer limestone gravel as I remembered and the trees are not there anymore. I can see the house from the end of the driveway, and in my naïveté I immediately think... "Wow. They paved the driveway and removed the trees really fast." As I get closer to the house, an uneasy feeling starts to brew in my stomach. I pull up and get out of the car. I walk up the steps onto the porch and reach for the door handle. It's locked. Dammit, Rhoda must've come back to lock up the house. I walk over to the left of the door and I can hear a child laughing from inside. I look into the window of the room that David and I had deemed the game room, and I can see a little girl sitting at the breakfast bar. She has long, curly brown hair and she is laughing that deep laughter that only comes from a child. As I look up and away from the girl, I notice a woman standing at the sink. It's Susannah! But who is the little girl? Can she see Susannah as well? I always believed children had the ability to see things most cannot. Susannah turns her face towards me and I reach up and knock on the window. She looks at me confused, and nods her head to let me know she's coming to the door. I walk back over to the door. I'm smiling uncontrollably, excited at the idea of the little girl being able to see Susannah. The door opens and she looks at me hesitantly, "Can I help you?” she asks. "Susannah! Hi. Are you up for a visit? I had this weird dream I have been dying to tell you about." She comes out and pulls the door closed, “I’m sorry. Do I know you?" I stutter, "Uh...Umm, yes. It’s me, Lynn. I've been coming here to visit you for the past week. Are you feeling okay?" She stares at me with even more confusion, "I'm sorry, but I don't know who you are. I need to get back to my daughter. I'm sorry, I can't help you. You must have me confused with someone else." She turns and walks into the house. I stand at the door, frozen. How can this be? She never mentioned a daughter. What is happening? I walk back to my car and drive back home. I walk into my bedroom and climb into bed. Am I crazy? I couldn't have imagined her. I have lost touch with reality before, but can this be happening again? Have I really lost my mind? I become depressed at the thought that my best friend was only a figment of my imagination. This beautiful elusive woman that stole my heart in the most surprising way. I feel David enter the room, "Lynn, are you okay? Do you want some water? Did you eat?" I ignore his inquiry. I haven't eaten. How can I eat? I'm insane. I continue to lay there and then it hits me. What if it wasn't a dream? What if I really saved her? I've read stories about time travel and seen movies. It always seemed like such an exciting, yet quite impossible idea. Changing history has become a term directed at the future, but was it really possible? Did I really change history? If so, then it would make sense why Susannah didn't know who I was. We've never met. If she's alive, the house would've never gone up for sale and I would have never discovered her beautiful ghost sitting alone in the tower. I am relieved at this thought, because although it hurts to know I've lost my friend, I feel empowered in the thought that I saved her life. Me. The clumsy, unorganized mess, who can't walk down the street in a straight line, saved someone's life. I relax, and close my eyes. I can feel David's warmth. He's always so warm. Maybe he's all I really need. Maybe I needed Susannah. I begin to feel more comforted in David's warmth and the thought of how Susannah had changed me.
"Beep, beep, beep!” I hate waking up before the sun is out. Wait. I'm awake, really awake. I have class in an hour and maybe I will see David later today. I need to get up and get the boys ready. As I walk towards my bathroom, the memories start to flood my mind. Susannah, the house, Rhoda, the little girl, the black-haired woman.... whoa... it was all a dream. I am here in my bathroom. I can see my face. I am real. I am me.