I see our world churning,
just bleeding its guts out;
from this blackened door,
to far off golden shore.
With flaming pyres lighting,
the furies stare brightly;
with grit-blistered eyes,
so bloody, torrid and sore.
As I stand here sweating,
my mind is just screaming;
with tender dear thoughts,
that echo silently yours.
While the cities are burning,
and the masses are yearning,
As we all scream and shout out:-
"it's now’s nevermore!"
From my tatty bench corner,
Upon a splintered wall I see,
grim, and green-glowing
letters,that were not there
a mere moment before.
While the screaming increases,
and value in money deceases;
I see poor bodies broken;
they lie, scattered and torn.
And the bells are now pealing;
as the greedy are scything,
burning cash into glittering gold.
while poverty's rising ,
the growing fear, is obliging;
As we poor starving bastards
Scream "It's now’s nevermore!"
Oh,those hard bell's now echo
a cold heartless memory;
A sad recollection of something
That I'm responsible for.
but I can't seem to see it,
or don't want to face it,
I just simply slam
the near broken charred door.
while The earthquakes are cracking,
As the volcano’s are spurting,
and huge waves are bursting,
upon blood ridden shores;
while we all stand and shake,
and we all crack and quake,
as we,with a hearty bellow, yell
"it's now... its now’s nevermore!"
Comments
alphadog1 | August 9, 2011 - 17:13
its a first draft so it needs cutting... It's my feelings about the riots in london.
maggyvaneijk | August 9, 2011 - 21:09
For a first draft this is very good, it's packed with fiery emotion and it can't have been easy to write about such a difficult issue.
alphadog1 | August 9, 2011 - 21:12
no, some friends are involved... I was very reluctant to do it... because there was the feeling it might be seen as cliche... but despite that... these are my feelings... which are dark, and desperate.
maggyvaneijk | August 9, 2011 - 21:20
feelings and emotions are never cliche and this is far from that anyway, you have real, raw talent.
alphadog1 | August 9, 2011 - 22:17
thanks... I am very grateful for that. :)
alphadog1 | August 11, 2011 - 16:50
Thanks for your comments, I have read your work, and I am humbled by it... you have a great way with words... and can make an image stand out powerfully. I am a scribbler, most of the time, I'd like to think I'm good, but I'm not.
maggyvaneijk | August 11, 2011 - 17:38
You can't compliment someone in the comments to your own work :) but thanks! and don't you dare put yourself down, I'm really enjoying following your updates on this piece.
alphadog1 | August 12, 2011 - 14:25
I really don't think I can do much more to it? what do you think? I've removed the reflection of the clock stanza, because I think the title needs to be oblique... and I would be giving too much away... show and tell, show not tell, as my tutor would say ;) E.A Poe came to mind as I was writing it, the Raven... so, its not all my work... but I feel its as good as I can do for now.
maggyvaneijk | August 13, 2011 - 15:09
I think you've done a fantastic job, I can't suggest anything else. It's so powerful now and transcends the actual event to some sort of universal inferno. Congrats!
alphadog1 | August 13, 2011 - 15:27
thanks :)
Highhat | August 21, 2011 - 05:05
Yes this is very powerful, the riots came to mind while I was reading this so you expressed it well.
Keep writing
;)Pia
alphadog1 | August 21, 2011 - 07:23
Thanks for the encouragement highhat/Pia. I have thought about making the end into a sort of perverse celebration, but is that going too far? There is a point when doing anything else to a piece is taking from it, rather than adding...Oh... its too early to think like this... and the kids are screaming...