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Posted by andrew-evans on December 28, 2009 - 23:01

They took away
my money,
and i told them
i'm still whole,
they took away
my house,
and i told them
i'm still whole,
then they took away
my pride,
but i told them
i'm still whole,
so they took away
my dignity,
but still i'm whole,
then they took you away,
and i was whole no more
for your my everything,
my passion and soul
and without you
I can never truly be
whole

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Comments

Airenia Moon | December 29, 2009 - 19:17

Its good, but I saw one thing. At the end you say, "then they took you away, and i was whole no more for your my everything, my passion and soul and with you I can never truely be whole" If I'm reading this right, you're saying when they took "you" away, you weren't whole, but you can never be whole with "you" anyways. Unless I'm reading it wrong, thats a tad confusing.

Good job other than that though!
Airenia Moon

andrew-evans | December 29, 2009 - 19:51

Nope, you have picked up on a spelling error there, thanks. Thank you for the kind words also

andrew-evans | December 29, 2009 - 19:52

Spelling error corrected

Airenia Moon | December 29, 2009 - 21:21

Good. Sounds great! Keep up the good work!
Airenia Moon