I think the wailing started when I forced you to a cold goodbye,
you to your bedsit, me to a glimmer and chime of something. That
was the last time I saw you - me all unbrotherly - a month or two before
you killed the noises in your head.
They say its doing is the shrillest act of anger, the essence of revenge.
Are you avenged? Is it peace now?
No, I think the wailing had started
when we passed on the basement stair
at prep school, you hounded
by a bastard master on the way up
to punishment, me on the way down, intent,
passive-frightened, intent on some chord of a chance ...
How did it feel? How did it feel to lay your head on the line?
Could you feel the snap, the whip-snap on the track
as the train came towards you between the suburbs,
the blank suburbs? Could you nurse and sing yourself
in those hour-seconds?
No, I think the wailing started when we came back from the heavenly Pradesh
to the UK, to school, and I wept and asked for your kindness,
and you laughed, a monkey laugh, laugh of fear and self-protection; or maybe
it was later, much later, like when we wrestled, almost
as adults, trying to make SOMETHING of our pain.
After you were safely boxed and
slid through the curtain, the wailing became a feedback
of the heart, a rasping in the gut,
and it spread out from crevice to tunnel
to a swell and tide of howl-roar, that had
nowhere
to go.
If I’m quiet now, so quiet as a
rat, always a rat, I still hear the wail, echoing
along the spirit’s sunken ways,
like the squeal of the 'Scalextric',
our one point of silent harmony.
Comments
tcook | February 20, 2012 - 17:36
That is a stunning piece - heartfelt and open.
animan | February 21, 2012 - 14:45
Thank you Tony. That particular society indirectly killed a lot of people unfortunately. I'm starting to feel like a dinosaur.
Sylvia Plath, for example - she was fundamentally a victim of that society, more than of anything else. *She kind of asked me to say that, for her.~
scratch | February 24, 2012 - 20:44
And you asked the question animan. And worded if so powerfully. There are some words put down here that demand attention and you certainly got mine from the start to the finish. Absolutely riveting read. And of course the poetry was equal to the narrative, I can't praise it enough.
animan | February 25, 2012 - 08:24
Thank you scratch - a very generous comment that I appreciate.
sue dinum | March 1, 2012 - 22:53
I thought this was excellent too, animan. Powerfully worded, as scratch has said, open and heartfelt as Tony has said. It's a very moving piece, very personal, obviously, but the truths are easily shared and recognized.
Very well written, you expressed the sentiment so well. Really enjoyed. Will have to read more of yours when I get back from holiday.
Thanks for sharing, and it's nice to see that those damned cherries do go to a deserving piece now and again. Very well done!
Best regards
sue
animan | March 2, 2012 - 12:22
Thank you, Sue - kind remarks.
One can worry too much about cherries, perhaps. I see them as decoration and sentiment.