Males

Oo Nic when you grow old all you can do is live in the past if you still want some excitement(-; Well occasionally anyway. Liked the read. Valx

Val, I had "young woman" but decided not to keep this word, I think it is obvious why according to males who never grow old or stay young spasmodically.. ;) Thanks xX

I had to read this several times. That 'have' comma threw me at first. Should it not be a semi-colon I wondered? But I'm OK now. I like the way you've blended past and present.

Yes they are pretty blended here; a semi-colon = longer pause (among other things), or is it my idea? A comma pauses perfectly. Thanks for reading Chuck,
cheers.

The second 'have' reminds me of those German sentences where you wait forever for the writer to stick 'gehat' on the end. But the comma works fine.

would you avoid 'have' Chuck and how would you rephrase it? i edited it *not here* and it only gets worse, but i'm open to suggestions.

Oh I don't know artisus. It's your poem. If it was prose I'd suggest putting 'that' in front of the five minutes so we know what the 'have' refers to but it's fine as it is really.

okay, well thanks for your thoughts,

cheers

edited, thanks to littleditty who had a phenomenally good idea..

'has had a phenom...'

Great solution....it flows much better.

@Nicky: yeah! whatever happened to my has? x

@Chuck: thanks for your helpful observation!