There have been days where
we might be giants.
We could have
taken this tiny world
by lightning strewn storm.
The thunder is a mere burr
today, we shelter from the
February spots of wet-
the sparks have flown
and we sit together
in gentle proximity.
I look to the
upcoming Ides
and wonder who will
wield the shiv.
Comments
Ewan | February 16, 2009 - 20:37
Really nice, foreboding. Standouts for me: 'the thunder is a mere burr' and 'we sit together in gentle proximity'. My very favourite is the last stanza, the incongruity of the 'shiv' with the rest of the language, as unexpected as a knife in the back, perhaps.
Please say if you do not want comments.
Regards
Ewan
barely black francis | February 16, 2009 - 21:52
All comments welcome Ewan...
And thanks.
lenchenelf | February 17, 2009 - 08:15
You've packed a lot into this, much enjoyed, atb L
barely black francis | February 17, 2009 - 08:35
Thanks L. When I wrote and posted this, I wasn't terribly enthusiastic about it. Now I have read it a few times, I'm more into it. Perhaps an odd way to treat your own poem!
hilary west | February 17, 2009 - 17:15
Nice and economic. I liked the lingo !
barely black francis | February 17, 2009 - 18:19
Lingo-To explain the first 2 lines-they don't make perfect sense, I know. I wanted to say 'might be giants' no matter what. I liked shiv too. It is a word I hear a lot (as I mix with rough boys). Ceasar was 'shivved' in my world-no one is ever stabbed..(I also liked that shiv is a Romany word which made me smile).