Last Week

surprise me like you did in Brussels
she said
when you pushed a mini gherkin
under your foreskin
then popped it across the square
with an expert wanker grip

scare me like you did last Tuesday
she said
when eyes closed, you wore orange ear defenders
on a railway track
counted to ninety eight
then took me in the signal box

that was last week darling
I said
that was ‘so’ last week
let us sit upright on your sofa
drink your mum’s martini
watch Beverley Hills Cop again

god
she said
you bore me
Eddie Murphy? mum’s martini?
I could do that anytime
anyplace, anywhere

oh
I said
in that case
I’ll see you in
the fishmongers yard in an hour
bring a camera and calamine