I marvel at his beauty,
staring, his captive,
looking up.
Instantaneously,
I fall in love, with
this silent beauty.
I fall even further, deeper
and more truly under his
power.
Running my fingertips
throughout rigid tanned
stone, so gently, I start
to capture tiny swirls of
life within sandstone eyes.
The sand welcomes my
heart; extraordinarily
processing each beat.
As I unveil this beauty,
the many years between us
disintegrate: sand passes
between fingertips.
Studying his age-old face,
perfection within my eyes.
I have uncovered a secret
beauty, belonging to a past
life.
Other people pass between
us, bare feet dipping into
the sand, praying hands
feeling him.
I marvel at his beauty,
staring, his captive,
falling for architecture
and history.
I peruse the hieroglyphs,
confusing signs for my eyes;
a splendour of his Egyptian
heritage.
In a heart beat, Abu Simbel
reveals history to me. Sunlight
teasing me, dizzy through joy.
Comments
Ewan | July 12, 2009 - 13:46
A lovely and descriptive poem, Beeme. The only part which does not work so well for me is this.
I Cannot understand the
hieroglyphs:splendour
of his Egyptian heritage
you want a small 'c' for cannot, but that's not the problem. Of course you cannot truly understand the hieroglyphs, that's to be expected.
Try something less overt?
(not this, but it's to give you an idea)
I marvel dumbly at the
hieroglyphs; a splendour
of his Egyptian legacy.
Lovely to use splendour... as in the famous quote about the three great civilisations.
Nicely written, and carefully crafted. Well done.
Ewan
Ewan | July 12, 2009 - 14:59
Pursue or peruse?
Beeme | July 12, 2009 - 15:03
Thanks for the feedback Ewan, and your suggestion for making that verse less overt, I think it gives the words more meaning.
I have changed that verse to this;
'I peruse the hieroglyphs,
confusing signs for my eyes;
a splendour of his Egyptian
heritage.'
I hope this works better for you.
I'm glad you enjoyed :)
peruse, lol. Thanks for the cherry!
Beeme