Guilt

Hi Beeme, I really like this, something like memories slip through the starry net shouldn't work but does, beautifully. I think though the poem loses a bit of its bite set out like prose. Others may disagree and I'm no expert, particularly with formatting but,

There is so much light
pouring through the blinds
but I hide in the dark,
curled up in the corner
afraid of letting go.

The blue-black blanket
wrapped around me doesn't keep me safe.
The memories seep through the starry net;
your face is too bright,
too clear,
too near.

Time is closing in on me,
the darkness blends into a pastel dawn,
the sunlight burns my last memory to ash.

The scarlet sun forever blood-red.

even my go at it seems to work better. Sonora's recent poem close the circle worked in that format because it was a breathless and energetic piece of writing with little punctation if I remember it right, but some of your words eserve to be paused over and thought about.

Beeme, I will not be offended if you tell me to pissoff. ATB FB :-)

Hi FB, lol I'm defiantly not going to tell you to piss off, your advise is more than welcome. I'm really glad you enjoyed :]

I wasn't sure about the format when I posted but I thought it would be very hard to set out as I couldn't decide where one line started and the other ended. I really like how you have set it out and it does work better.

Thank you,
Beeme xx

Hi Beeme,

this is certainly an original piece, I like the
last line:- The scarlet sun forever blood-red.
It kind of sets the poem off.

Thanks for the read.

Jenny.

Glad you weren't offended and you liked the suggestion, have a good weekend. :-)

Thank you Jenny, really happy you enjoyed :]

Beeme xx

Have a good weekend too Fb :]

Beeme xx

Hi Beeme, this works so well now. Such lovely imagery. Enjoyed;-)

Tina xx

Thank you very much Tina :] Glad you enjoyed.

Beeme xx

ScoZen
Beeme, hello.
I just love all the colours you bring into your writing.
A real artists palette.
Regards

Hi ScoZen,

Thank you so much, I'm really happy you enjoy my work so much xx

good poem Little Bee :)

Thank you Arty :)