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Posted by Beeme on June 22, 2011 - 19:49

I wish I was your light;
my body glittering
like the azure mist-
resting on the morning air.

I wish I could be strong;
ignore the amassing darkness.
Suffer the highs, embrace the lows,
the lengthening shadows of
each passing day;

vultures, circling
anticipating my body's collapse.
waiting to take the tender marrow from my bones;
reshape my silhouette, make me real.

My image flashes against the sunlight;
a mirage of scripts, writing all the wrong endings.
Settling for a broken image-
a character cast in the wrong body.
Still I rise-
because I want to be your light.
I need to be seen in your image,
so I can feel real again.

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Comments

celticman | June 22, 2011 - 20:21

There is some darkness in here, but lots of light to balance.

Silver Spun Sand | June 22, 2011 - 20:52

Hi there, Beeme.

Another impressive poem from your pen., Beeme

A minor point, but in stanza 3, should be 'my body's collapse'.

I really liked these lines:-

"Suffer the highs, embrace the lows,
the lengthening shadows of
each passing day;"

The starkness of the title , 'I' suits the mood of the poem well. Much enjoyed;-)

Tina xx

Highhat | June 22, 2011 - 21:31

I especially liked the first stanza- the image with the mist was beautiful- I could just picture it. Brilliant poem Beeme.

;)Pia

maggyvaneijk | June 22, 2011 - 21:59

magical otherworldly imagery. I love the last stanza, the sense of an image within an image and the "mirage of scripts"

Nathan Bednarek | June 22, 2011 - 23:01

"I need to be seen in your image,
so I can feel real again."

What a powerful ending! Just another gem from you Beeme. I thoroughly enjoyed this. Well done.

Nathan x

fatboy74 | June 22, 2011 - 23:07

I think this is very good Beeme, some beautiful description. I think if you're struggling you are heading in the right way to sort it out - I've been writng and reading nothing but every so often without realising a poem begins to form and then there it is - despite panicking I can't write no more. I wish my exam scripts were a mirage. ATB Fatboy :-)

Beeme | June 23, 2011 - 09:47

Thank you all very much for your kind and generous feedback. I'm extremely happy you all enjoyed! :)

Beeme xx

insertponceyfre... | June 23, 2011 - 10:55

there's some wonderful imagery in this poem Beeme. Like the others say, a very powerful ending too.

I think you need a comma halfway through this:

Suffer the highs embrace the lows,

Beeme | June 23, 2011 - 11:02

Thank you very much insert!

Beeme xx