Hold up.
As dawn rises in front of their eyes.
Reality is creeping in through the gaps
in the blinds.
Blink of eyes,
to make sure he is still holding her tight.
Light follows them as they finally awake.
Silent surprise,
as she remembers the bright moon last night
traveling across the sky so close she wishes
she could touch it.
Hanging on,
to the softness of his hands which is
finally bringing the two lovers together
after a very long wait.
She smiles and turns on remembering his touches
and true kisses in the dark as her delicate skin brushes
against the pillows.
Fast thinking,
and quickly leaning forward stretching out to hold
his hands one last time as he keeps holding her tight.
Hold up.
As dawn rises in front of their eyes.
Reality is creeping in through the gaps
in the blinds.
Blink of eyes,
in a new morning as the sun has eventually opened
it's eyes as he turns the lamp shade on they both
move like aliens in an unfamiliar room.
Hanging on,
through a long working day to the thoughts
of being together again that very night.
Comments
Beeme | July 8, 2009 - 10:55
Thanks for the cherry !!! I really thought this piece was generally unloved with no one commenting on it..
Ewan | July 9, 2009 - 06:53
Well, I think you'll find, hidden away in dark places on ABC, a great deal of fine work that receives neither. You'll also find a great deal that deserves neither.
Treat yourself, click on random story once a day and read it all the way through to the end with critical faculties engaged. I bet it's less than a week before you find something to like about a piece, even if you don't like all of it.
Check out the numbers to the right, under 'Who's online': the guests far outnumber the users, don't they? Guests don't comment. I'm not sure what the active number of posters is, but everybody can, and most people do, post 3 a day.
You'll always see the same 20 or 30 names commenting even so: if every one of these people commented on every single poem, when would they write themselves?
Whilst I agree constructive criticism and encouragement are great to receive, it's far better to receive no comments, than platitudes or abuse.
Anyway, did you consider that no-one commented because it was good, and they felt they could offer no advice? Maybe people who usually comment on your work were busy that day? I do know people rarely look back more than a day if they don't log on for a while. Perhaps they should, but, it's their time, isn't it.
Congratulations on the cherry.
Beeme | July 9, 2009 - 08:53
Thanks for taking the time Ewan, I often read the random stories I find them really enjoyable. However it is very true that receiving no comment is better than getting any abuse etc.
Beeme
Cavalcaderl | July 14, 2009 - 17:00
new Beeme This is brill:so delicately entwined lovers. amazes how you can do it so young!
!hold up
as dawn rises in front
of their eyes.
Reality is creeping in through
the gaps in the blinds I love it.
Song by "he Searchers" I think!
"let's hang on to what weve' got.
julie x
Beeme | July 21, 2009 - 19:08
Thanks very much Julie, glad you enjoyed this xx