Sulphur sun-rise

The chemistry in this was atom-binding :D

Sorry, humour was never my strong point (you're probably cringing as you read this lol)

This was short but it had me lost in a world of science and philosophy for a moment, it was fun :)

The message shines through this poem and you did a great job at it.

Wel done

X
Pinda

the imagery in this is beautifully vivid. great work beeme.

awwh thanks very much Pinda, :) lol

Beeme xx

This poem made me think of a bleak smog filled skyline. Very futuristic with doomsday connotations.
Did I get it all wrong?
Pia

Thank you so much Jonahs cough :)

Beeme xx

Yes, although you can draw from this whatever you personally want to and the more inages I can create for others the better..' A bleak skyline was defiantly the main image in my mind while I was writing this one. I'm really glad you enjoyed.

Beeme xx

Hi there, Beeme. Effective imagery here, and you indeed created 'a bleak skyline' for me. Just a suggestion on the layout and also suggestions for the punctuation, but please, as I always say, feel free to ignore me. I am used to it;-) The main reason for the slight alteration in layout due to the fact that I stumbled over 'sulphur dioxide' being on successive lines. This kind of thing can be effective, but I don't think that here it really adds anything. Also, I think 'settling' works admirably on a line of its own. I have also substituted 'as' instead of 'like', to avoid too much repetition.

Lined with black -
the leaden sky,
like the long shadows
of our bodies.
Outstretched ribs
crack like thunder -
blue and white stars,
blood red light;
sparks of our decay
settling...
as sulphur dioxide
in the air.

Love the 'ribs cracking like thunder', and the 'blue and white stars';-)

Tina xx

Thanks for the suggestions, I always take them on board. I'm glad you liked this :)

Beeme xx

That's smashing now, Beeme. Well done;-)

Tina xx

Thank you very much Tina :)

Beeme xx

A little piece of magic. :-)

Thank you so much Fatboy! :-]

Beeme xx

Thank you for the cherry eds!! xx

This is just great Beeme.

Thanks so much Seashore, really glad you thought so and enjoyed :)

Beeme xx