Temptress

I really love this poem Beeme, especially the third stanza with its rich imagery. I just think it could benefit from slightly shorter sentences by changing some of your commas to full stops. For example, I would change the first stanza to:

'This is our last embrace.
Enough of our time has been
spent dreaming of a perfect
tomorrow.'

I just think it gives each word more meaning when the reader has time to pause ;)

But again, really good poem!

Magic xxx

Thank you Magic, glad you enjoyed. I agree with you about changing some of my commas to full stops, I have done so now, what do you think? x

Beeme xxx

I think it definitely reads better ;) Just to be annoying - I would put a comma here:

'In the
mirrors your deceit blends into
your own reflection, somehow
no regret stirs within you.'

You really do continue to improve Beeme so you should never doubt your work ;)

Magic xxx

Good, ok done that. Aww thankyou Magic xx

Magic is right, Beeme. You really do write well and getting better and better.

These are my favourite lines:-

"...your deceit blends into
your own reflection, somehow
no regret stirs within you."

Very well done;-)

Tina xx

Thankyou so much Tina, glad you enjoyed :)

Beeme xx

Thankyou Julie, glad you enjoyed Sounds like you have been busy, your poem "Angel Face" was in the paper thats great! Hope you are well x

This is really good Beeme. I always like to watch how other writers perfect their talent on this site and you are a great example of that, plus, I perfect my own work from watching others, but writing is something that can never be made complete. That's the beauty of it.

Again, this is a wonderful poem. A big well done!

Nathan.

Wow, thankyou so much Nathan. I really appreciate the encouragment from you and other writers on here. I am so happy that people actually enjoy reading my poems and think that my work is getting better.

Thanks again, you have made my night! :)

Beeme xx

Beeme
this is great!
well done the verse:
This is our last embrace,
enough of our time has been spent
in dreaming of a perfect to-morrow.

forgot to say mention on here under poem.
t.cook for the thanks of you Oh! it's under the story of "The Mangle Mess Of Some Of Life's Experiences" at bottom. ok.
"Beeme" and Silver-spun-sand and all poets and story tellers who read it.1st cherry ever but only jotted it in 5 minutes! Borders. The paper puts poem's in when space of others as well, no I send off usually week or so I given up.month.
very dizzy to-day but we all got out later
cream tea not a success! 4 of us. at Tea rooms.

Well to-day surprise for me month ago paper
I email put "Angel Face" got 1st Cherry high readings my poem and neighbour read said will it be in, and it was in there yesterday
almost birthday present to-day same as late "Princess Diana" buried, and mine took me London see flowers etc. then and I then went on at time candle vigil Brighton.Wonderful person.Princess Diana.
Hope your well.One of presents daughter and hubby was
a black T'shirt cat of great big "Green Eyes" just like my poem on here but small hubby 16 stone don't laugh has put it on stretch.
julie xx (-: