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Thaw

Posted by Beeme on June 24, 2011 - 15:26

I have lost it, your image
cracking like cold glass,
smashing with such finality
the sunlight, casting its shadow
even further away from me,
my shaking hands
cold, blue and free.
My first sight of you
a shattered pane of ice.

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

Highhat | June 24, 2011 - 15:35

Heavy and dark images- very good Beeme
;)Pia

insertponceyfre... | June 24, 2011 - 17:27

this one's wonderful Beeme! Are you sure you need the comma in the last line?

Beeme | June 24, 2011 - 20:16

thank you both very much, glad you enjoyed :)

Beeme xx

fatboy74 | June 24, 2011 - 20:31

I really like this Beeme also. The last line doesn't work for me as well as the rest but i can't think of an alternative as I'm listening to Morrissey playing at Glastonbury in the background, loudly - i'm probably wrong anyway so ignore me - what about 'a shattered pane of ice' - I don't know - anyway it's beautifully done. :-)

seashore | June 24, 2011 - 21:17

I don't know what the last line was before fb's suggestion but it's a great little poem.

celticman | June 24, 2011 - 21:19

Oh MOrrisey. I prefer the darkness of Beame.

Beeme | June 25, 2011 - 09:53

Thanks for the advise Fatboy, Glad you enjoyed and I like your suggested last line, I think it works better :)

Beeme xx

Beeme | June 25, 2011 - 09:54

Thanks very much Seahore and thanks greatly Celticman thats an honour :-)

Beeme xx