BLIND PANIC

Global terrorism is the scourge of the 21st century and I'm not ashamed to say that it keeps me awake some nights.
We must be constantly vigilant and above all trust no one as they're out to get us all, not that I care about you.
Vigilance is the watch word as they are everywhere and they have us out numbered.
But have no fear Mr Blunkett told us when he was in office help is now at hand, so panic over.
Because riding over the ridge, like the US cavalry in the final reel of the movie, to save us all from the savage hordes are the Police Community Support Officers.
A body of men and women who presumably were not of a sufficient calibre to join the constabulary proper so they joined the toy town force.
Apparently it doesn't matter that they don't have powers of arrest and I suppose from Mr Blunkett's point of view there's little point in trying to arrest a suicide bomber.
More worrying is that they aren't as well equipped as the regular constabulary's for example the traffic division are riding 50cc mopeds.
However the waterways patrol group have secured a fleet of vessels, second hand admittedly but none the less a serviceable fleet, which were formerly employed for many years on the Alexandra Park boating lake principally on Sunday afternoon's still at least they already have serial numbers.
The underwater branch isn't yet fully operational and wont be for sometime as they are waiting for "toys r us to receive new stock's of snorkels and flippers and I have my suspicions the Police Community Support Officers mounted branch train at the Turnip Farm donkey sanctuary although it is rumoured that they do have the first pick of the mounts destined for the glue factory.
Sadly, air officer Quentin Thwaite-Drake piloting India 69, the P.C.S.O. eye in the sky is still missing following the autumn gales when his Balloon was blown far to the south west and was last seen crossing the Fastnet Rock at speed.
They have had some good fortune in so much as they were able to form two new divisions after Terry Bottles circus went into receivership enabling the forming of the Dog handling team around madam Fifi's performing poodles and the specialist weapons section can now boasts two knife throwers three archers and a juggler.
I don't know about you but I am not at all filled with confidence with Mr Blunkett's thin blue line of pretend police officers but I suppose they won't be a complete waste as long as they get between me and the blast.