TOP DOG
A fool in a high station, such as John Prescott
Is like a man on the top of a small hillock
Everything below appears small to him
And he appears small to everybody, the pillock
DEAR JOHN
If John Prescott went to the circus
When the big top came to town
And there were twelve clowns in the ring
If he jumped in the ring joining the clowns
And started reciting Shakespeare to the audience
They would only see him as the thirteenth clown
RIGHT ON
I am a white male
Anglo Saxon
Able-bodied heterosexual
And as a result in modern Britain
I have no rights whatever
PC
In these days of political correctness
PC does little than cause more stress
Their cure for discrimination seems to be
To still discriminate but to do it positively
And in order to enable freedom of expression
It appears that censorship is the solution
MINISTERIAL BUFFET
The Deputy PM, Two jags Prezza
Is an exceedingly portly geezer
Yet all the buzz of Westminster talk
Is not his fondness for pies of pork
It seems he no longer favours pies
But much prefers breasts and thighs
Though not the ones from KFC
But the ones he finds on his secretary
CABINET MINISTERS
Cabinet ministers apply the following rules:
And must adopt these rules immediately
If put in a position
Where they must make a decision
They delay it immediately
If they can they delegate it to a junior
So the junior can avoid making a decision
If all else fails they form a committee
So the committee can avoid making a decision
If they can in anyway whatever
Avoid making a decision
They do so immediately
FAREWELL CHARLES
Well they finally got rid of Kennedy
Who likes to drink quite liberally
I’m not sure that it’s fair or right
He didn’t start drinking over night
They knew what they were getting
A man familiar with whistle wetting
What seems to me to be Nonsense
From the party with a conscience
For a liberal party not withstanding
Isn’t the least bit understanding
I wonder now about the motivation
Hounding him out before the nation
It wasn’t his reputation as a Binger
He had to go because he was Ginger
TONIE AND GORDIE
The difference between
Neurosis and psychosis
Is not prerequisite
A psychotic believes
2 + 2 = 5
Even if it doesn’t fit
While a neurotic knows
2 + 2 = 4
But really doesn’t like it
YES PRIME MINISTER
With all the power that resides
In the musty chambers of Westminster
Whether MPs be young or old
Married or single bachelor or spinster
At exalted levels they become devils
And are less minister than sinister
PUBLIC INQUIRY
Our venerable leader Tony Blair
Stood smiling in the media glair
Andrew Gilligan stood by his story
As the PM lied to Liberal and Tory
The Alasdair Campbell dossier lied
And poor David Kelly was crucified
At the BBC Greg Dyke resigned as D.G.
Tony Blair smiled a bit too smugly
He wanted a way to keep the truth hid
That’s what the Hutton whitewash did
WHAT NEW LABOUR DOES
When they are up in the polls
They flaunt the figures outrageously
But when they are down and falling
They ridicule them vigourously
Sometimes stressing fickle public opinion
Or protest votes and volatility
When they are only down a little
They play the underdog playing for sympathy
When they are neck and neck
They feign surprise at their popularity
WHAT A WASTE
Why In this modern world of computerisation
After thousands of years of advanced civilization
We haven’t shown any significant improvement
In the effective disposal of human excrement
