OUT OF THE MOUTH’S OF BABES –PRAYER
Megan a little four-year-old was heard praying
Well it was the lords prayer that she was saying
And she said "And forgive us our trash baskets
As we forgive those who put trash in our baskets"
ETERNITY
An atheist was arguing
With holy men
And questioning the existence
Of heaven
One holy man said
That if you are precise
And there is no afterlife
Or any paradise
Its not like you’ll be able
To tell anyone
But if we are right
Then your fucked son
CROMWELLIAN
The lord protector Oliver Cromwell
Killed thousands, the truth to tell
Beheaded the king and closed hostelries
And he cancelled the Christmas festivities
THE ROAD TO DAMASCUS
A man was walking one night
Down a lane without a light
Thinking that he heard a sound
The man then turned around
Someone jumped him suddenly
And assaulted him violently
Badly beaten and then robbed
He lay in the road and sobbed
Injured for many hours he lay
Many people had passed his way
Only one stopped, not to assist
To take his watch off his wrist
Hours later came a Samaritan
A social worker name of Stan
He was greatly shocked to see
Deeds committed by humanity
“Whoever hit you on the head
Really needs some help,” he said
UPRIGHT CHRISTIANS
The puritans have acted radically
By banning fornicating vertically
Only missionary style resembling
No table ending or knee trembling
What made them take the measure?
To restrict to horizontal pleasure
The theory that they are advancing
Is that the act may lead to dancing
I’M CELIBATE YOU KNOW
In my youth I took a solemn vow
Pretty pointless I know that now
For the vow that I took you see
Was a solemn vow of celibacy
For five long years I kept my vow
Pretty pointless I know that now
For I kept my vow as I promised
But for five years nobody noticed
OUR SARAH
A three-year-old called Sarah
Was reciting the lords prayer
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven
Harold is His name Amen."
THE ANCIENT ART OF HAPPINESS
My Feng Shui man isn’t very happy
Unless the signs I have misread
But I don’t believe for a second
It’s anything that I have done or said
I think it’s the more likely that he
Got up on the wrong side of the bed
RCS V RHS
A surgeon was in deep discussion with a horticulturist
On whether or not the immortal soul does actually exist
The medic began “I have been a surgeon for many a year
And after many operations I would like to make it clear
After having cut every consievable part of a human being
I can say without doubt that I don’t remember ever seeing
Or finding anything that you could possibly ever compare
To an immortal soul within the human body anywhere”
The horticulturist then responded to him in this form
Saying “If I were to cut into a flower bulb, tuber or corm
I would not be able to see any sign of a flower anywhere
But we both know a beautiful flower dwells within there”
NATURALLY CHRISTIAN
As Christian’s
They ardently believe
That god created
Adam and eve
If monogamous
Hearts on sleeve
If they stay together
Or Sodom and leave
God did create
Adam and Eve
As Christian’s
They ardently believe
The devil created
Adam and Steve
If monogamous
Hearts on sleeve
If they stay together
Or Sodom and leave
The devil created
Adam and Steve
I DON’T BELIEVE IT
The problem is when faith is lost
It isn’t that we believe in nothing
But rather the opposite is true
We start to believe in anything
DEAR LORD
As to the lord God he was praying
A little boy was overheard saying
By his auntie Irene and Uncle Roy
“If you can’t make me a better boy
Please don't worry about it then
I'm having a good time as I Am." amen
OUT OF THE MOUTH’S OF BABES – QUIET CLASS
A Sunday school teacher once asked her children
As they were on the way to their own church service
"Why is it necessary for us to be quiet in church?"
One girl replied "Because people are sleeping miss"
KING OF LOVE
The king of kings lord in heaven above
Holds the power in His kingdom of love
Not love of power but the power of love
LET HIM IN
Let god within your heart
Fill the void of darkness
Filled with love and joy
Let his love envelope
Your being
Let him bring light
Where dark once dwelt
Let him bring love
Where hate once ruled
Let him bring happiness
Where sadness held dominion
