CHECK WITH THE DOC
Bimbette went to the doctors
To talk about her pregnancy
Doc asked, “Have you had a check up?”
She said, “No he was polish actually”
DOCTOR LARDY
They used to call us fatty
Chunky or sometimes tubby
Euphemisms like sumo
Alternatively maybe chubby
However Political correctness
Has demanded that this must cease
So now the doctors just call us
All Clinically obese
NIP AND TUCK
Some people seek perfection
Something’s offend their vanity
Which leads them to decide
On bouts of cosmetic surgery
Breast enlargements, tummy tucks
Rhinoplasti implants and grafts
New procedures all the time
Techniques to test the surgeon craft
I don’t hold with it myself
Its something I have always felt
Never mess with Mother Nature
And play the hand you are dealt
BATH SYMPTON
A middle-aged man went to his doctor’s surgery
The doctor asked “Why have you’ve come to me?”
Listening very carefully with his head to one side
With a nod “ I think I’m going deaf” the man replied
Then the doctor said, “ Tell me what the symptoms are”
“They’re a yellow cartoon family and Bart’s the star”
DEATH BY CRABS
People would say
“You look well”
People I hadn’t seen for months
Especially
And I admit
I did feel well
But inside I was being consumed
From the inside out
By an unseen evil
Krebs
The Germans call it
Which translates to crabs
In English it sounds so innocuous
Death by crabs
It claimed my father
His mother and grandmother
But crabs cant kill can they?
No, but cancer can
The sign of the crab
FEAR NOT
There are many
Phobias and fears
Causing consternation
Jitters or tears
Like agoraphobia
Fear of open spaces
Parks and fields
And public places
They are by definition
Irrational by nature
Fear of things
Causing discomfiture
Angora phobia is
If I know no better
The irrational fear
Of a Mohair sweater
TESTING IDEA
I think animal testing is a terrible idea
In fact it’s a concept rather queer
They get all nervous in their own way
And give the wrong answers anyway
PANIC ATTACK
There's no panic
Like the panic
That momentarily affects you
At any time that you
Get your hand or head stuck
In something, then you feel a schmuck
ACCIDENTAL INJURY
The most painful household incident
Is NOT
Stepping bare foot on an upturned plug
That you forgot
The most painful household incident
Is instead
Stubbing your little toe in the dark
On your way back to bed
