ACCESSORY TO BUGLARY
What looks good on a burglar?
And is colored black and tan?
Not a swag bag or a Balaclava
No ski mask but a Doberman
A POUND OFF IF WERE LATE
Why is it do you suppose
That in this modern age
We have now finally reached
The sorry stage
That almost any fast food
or Pizza delivery man
Gets to your home quicker
Than the local Police can
BANGER’S
If you should ever want to shoot someone
I have an idea on how best it may be done
For it to be unnoticed you must do it right
Wait until the fun begins on bonfire night
If you cant bring yourself to shoot maybe
You can always blow them up with TNT
TWELVE MEN AND TRUE
When you appear in the crown court
You put your faith in, without a thought
Twelve people who weren't, frankly
Smart enough to get out of jury duty
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT
If you are arrested for being violent
You have the right to remain silent
If you are dealing with the gutter press
You still have the same rights I guess
Anything you do say, however true
Will be misquoted and used against you
FORENSIC RELATIONSHIP
The police have found a dead body
Well half of it as it was decapitated
They could only guess at marital status
If not divorced then certainly separated
HONEST
I don't lie, cheat
Or steal you see
Well that is to say
Not unnecessarily
IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE
There are no flies on me
Of which to speak
As a result my case
Now comes up next week
