WOMEN'S AD'S
Some Ads in the Personals
Can be really quite deceptive
And the reader is more often
Required to be perceptive
When searching these ads
For some feminine company
Its hard to chose the perfect date
From a list of so many
For example if she claims
To be in a Reubenesque state
Doesn't mean she's an oil painting
Just simply overweight
Beware when she claims
To be an Open-minded person
Because open mindedness
Denotes a certain Desperation
Seeking "Friendship First
Does not exclude any smut
Its just that she want's to
Live down her reputation as a slut
If she is twee or of an
Old-fashioned disposition
Mean's that she only does it
In the missionary position
Its possible she'll mention
Her Contagious Smile maybe
But what this really means
Is she does a lot of Ecstasy
If she says that she is calm
And is emotionally secure
Means she is either a drunk
Or on Medication for sure
If she suggests that she
Has lived life in a sociable way
Means she's been passed around
Like an hors d'oeuvres tray
If she says she's Athletic inclined
And claims to be out going
Means she is flat chested
Loud and quite embarrassing
And if she says she's forty-ish
And would like a romantic night
Means she's in her fifties
And Looks better by candle light
MEN'S AD'S
When the boot is on
The other foot it is no easier
Looking in the Men's Ads
You'll find them even sleazier
Finding men in the Personals
Is a minefield to be truthful
But here are a few pointers,
Which may be thought useful
Chose a man Well Educated
And knowledgeable too
You will spend a boring evening
As he patronizes you
He may modestly claim
To be only average looking
Meaning that from his ears
And nose there is hair sprouting
If he says he is a sensitive man
Means he cries to readily
And if he is very sensitive
Means he is gay, definitely
If he likes to cuddle means
He's insecure and very scary
Huggable means he's overweight
And also rather hairy
If he claims he is good looking
He is arrogant rather
And if he says he's mature
Means he's older than your father
A "Free Spirit will perform
With a variety of subjects
And "Friendship first is fine
As long as it ends with sex
If he claims he has an athletic bent
And is fit, physically
Then he certainly watches
Too much sport on telly
And if he says he's forty-ish
He's probably fifty-three
And if you're only twenty-five
You're far too old you see
And if perhaps he claims to be
A very Open-minded lover
Means hell have sex
With your sister and your mother
