RIP GEORGE
An untimely death was George's fate
He was still in middle age at any rate
George hadn't been ill not even a cold
He had the body of a twenty-year-old
For two or three times a week about
But the trouble was his wife found out
LAND OF NOD
My mother has time on her hands
Now the she's buried three husbands
But the thing that's quite worrying
Is two of them were only napping
PERFECT WOMAN
The perfect woman for me
Will be easy to find really
My perfect woman indeed
Would only actually need
To make my life complete
Two tits and a heartbeat
FACE OFF
I went out with a Welsh girl once
And she had a very bad complexion
With cuts and sores and abrasions
And maybe even a skin infection
I asked her what the problem was
But she was not the type to talk
It was one day at dinner I learned
It was eating with a knife and fork
PLAIN JANE
My best friend has just met this girl
Her hair is straight but her lips curl
An unattractive girl I would maintain
To be kind you'd describe her as plain
I can't think of one redeeming feature
In short she's just a hideous creature
She's fallen from the ugly tree I'd say
And then hit every branch on the way
A REASONABLE PLACE
Women as they're more complex
Require a reason to have sex
Men however to their disgrace
Require no reason just a place
A RUSH OF BLOOD
God chose to give men a brain and a penis
And that sounds ok, but the problem is
That even if you are a man in your prime
There's only enough blood to run one at a time
THE LOOK OF LOVE
Lets face it life just isn't like it is in books
I chose my wife because she was stately
Yes I married my wife because of her looks
I chose correctly and I still love her greatly
So I married my wife because of her looks
But not the one she's been giving me lately
ULTRA LARGE
At the time my wife was first pregnant
It was a very difficult time I'll grant
It wasn't until we went for the scan
To view the picture of baby as you can
That I realized why she was so stout
For she was pregnant without a doubt
Until that day I thought I'd endured
Because she was fat and bad tempered
POP
Confucius said that the trouble
With virginity is its like a bubble
And Confucius can be relied upon
It takes one prick and it's gone
I DIDN'T KNOW MISS WORLD WAS IN TOWN
If you have begun to tire
Of being the object of men's desire
Not of being attractive per se
But being hit upon in that way
Just tell them your incompatible
Because you are not inflatable
