WHATEVER HAPPENED
Whatever happened to Louis the umpteenth of France?
Whatever happened to Jensen Interceptors?
Whatever happened to tree top squash?
Whatever happened to indestructible Tonka Toys?
Whatever happened to my hopes and dreams?
Whatever happened to my plans and schemes?
Whatever happened to my hearts desires?
Whatever happened to Aunt Alice?
Whatever happened to the likely lads?
Whatever happened to baby Jane?
Whatever happened to standards of behaviour?
Whatever happened to community spirit?
Whatever happened to this bulldog breed?
Whatever happened to common courtesy?
Whatever happened to good manners?
Whatever Whatever
GOD AND SCIENCE
I believe in God
I believe him to be the creator
The creator of heaven and earth
Of the stars and the planets
I believe him to be the creator of the universe
The scientific community
Talk of the big bang
Which sparked off the creation of the universe
They call God a myth
And his creation a myth
Science of course call it the big bang theory
Theory being science speak for a guess
Or put another way a belief
They can no more prove their belief
Than I can prove the existence of God
For all there contempt for belief systems
They are locked in one of their own making
I have faith in the creation
But if there was a big bang
Then God pressed the button
VENGEANCE WEAPONS
Vicious product of the conquered
Exploding on the unsuspecting
Not aimed at the soldiers
Generals or other men of war
Experimental weapons
Aimed not at military targets
Nor at the politicians that send men to war
Chariots of death
Exploding on the innocents
Wiping out whole families
Eliminating the non combatants
Aimlessly targeted at a city
People helpless to escape
Ordinary people doing ordinary things
Not foot soldiers on German soil
Spiteful vengeance of Hitler
GLOBAL WARMING?
The Environmentalists believe in evolution
Yet refuse to believe
The planet is evolving
Yes there is climate change
Yes there is global warming
But leaving the car at home won’t stop it
Weather patterns are cyclical
And we are still coming out of an ice age
And therefore the global thermometer is rising
We are evolving as we have many times before
Britain has been desert, oasis
Ocean and tundra in its history
Long before man came on to the scene
What arrogance to think
We have so much influence on something so vast and complex
Our planet will continue
To evolve as it did before we arrived
Long after we are but a distant memory
The whole issue is being used by the cheese cloth and sandal brigade to intimidate people into changing there lifestyles
This will have no effect on the global climate whatsoever
CHARLES THE MARTYR
Charles the first of England
Walked through the snow
Wrapped up against the chill
So no shake would show
Parliament chose to kill
The rightful king of the land
An outrageous act at Whitehall
Perpetrated by the puritans
An axe man on the scaffold
Executing him matter of fact
The cold January snow
Almost purifying the act
A dignified monarch
Unwavering in his belief
His daughter Princess Elizabeth
Broken hearted died of grief
GOD ONLY
Yes I believe in God
I believe in God the father of all
I believe in the Ten Commandments
God handed to Moses
A better set of rules to live your life by
Does not exist
I’m not comfortable calling myself a Christian however
I was baptized a Christian
And raised as one
And I attend a Christian church
But I'm not a true Christian
I don’t turn the other cheek
AUTOMATIC PHOBIA
My wife has a phobia of automation
She doesn’t trust things robotic
At the hospital she wont use
Sliding doors because their automatic
We have to walk round the back
Circumnavigating the complex
To find a door we have to open
To accommodate her own complex
Then up sixteen flights of stairs
For she doesn’t like the elevators
Nor does she like travelators
And she doesn’t do the escalators
Up and up the stairs we go
No wonder my heart rate is so high
No wonder my pulse is racing
Why must hospital reach up to the sky?
I’m out of breath and tiring
Is it any wonder I’m in a state?
Because she’s a technophobe
I’m a heart attack candidate
IT’S A ?
A middle-aged couple named Joe and Ellen Waters
Had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters
But the couple decided they should try once more
For the son that they had always been hoping for
After many months of trying, Ellen finally conceived
And then a healthy baby boy was finally received
Joe joyfully rushed into the nursery to see his son
Took one look and wondered what they’d done
He was horrified it was the ugliest kid he’d ever seen
He went and told his wife Ellen he wasn’t very keen
He said there was no way that he could be the dad
"Look at the two beautiful daughters we’ve had”
Then he gave her a very stern look and asked her
"Tell me honestly Ellen have you had an affair?"
But Ellen just smiled sweetly at her husband Joe
Then she looked at him and said, "Not this time no!"
