WINNER TAKES ALL

The Americans and Russians realized at the height of the arms race
That if things went on then the world would be lost without a trace
It was decided both sides would have a summit to discuss their plight
The outcome was to settle all their differences with a single dogfight
They'd have just five years to breed the best fighting dog on the planet
The beast would have to be vicious, merciless and as hard as granite
The winning side would be entitled to complete global domination
And the losers would then have to lay down their arms in resignation
The Russians crossbred a Doberman and a Rottweiler to produce a litter
And crossed the best with a Siberian wolf to produce a fearful critter
Then they used steroids to make it grow and drugs to make it mean
And came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen
When the day came for the dog fight the huge audience were stunned
When the American team turned up with a nine foot long Dachshund
The crowd couldn't have been more surprised if it had come from mars
While the Russian dog had to be kept in a cage with five inch steel bars
The Russians were very confident that when the dogs were released
That the poor dachshund would be torn to pieces by the Russian beast
When the cages were opened the Dachshund waddled slowly about
And the Russian creature growled, snarled and drooled as it leapt out
It charged at the American dog but when it got close enough to fight
The Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed the beast in one bite
The surprised American contingent of the large crowd was now all-agog
The biggest surprise was that there was nothing left of the Russian dog
The Russians went to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief
"We don't understand how this could have happened said the chief
"We have had our best breeders working tirelessly for nearly five years
With some of the meanest creatures in the world to no avail it appears
An American said "We've had the best plastic surgeons we could fund
Working hard for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund"