Dream Letter

Cecile answered the phone. It was her Aunt Lucinda. She hadn’t heard that comforting voice for years. Certainly not since Lyle weaved his way into her life. That voice instantly transported her to happier times, when she felt more herself and whole; times when her parents were together. The Bank Holidays had been the best, teaming up with family and friends to go to the seaside. Helping her mother prepare the food for the trip in the kitchen was always fun back then. It all seemed so long ago. She had a brief recollection of laughter and her father’s favourite ska tunes blowing from the living-room, his voice singing along while his two girls worked. It had been just the three of them, or so she thought.

There was no mistaking her aunt’s chirpy voice. It was astounding how quickly she was brought up to rattling speed on family developments: babies, careers, illnesses. She had missed so much, so much. The past swirled by in double quick time, vividly catching up with the present with every word.

“So, how are you doing Cecile? If you had married I hope I would have heard before now.”

Cecile laughed nervously before replying. “I would have let you know, really.” She felt relieved her aunt did not scold her. She had enough scolding to contend with at home.

“Hmmm, why you kept so scarce girl? A good thing Faith bumped into you as she did.”

Cecile made a pathetic excuse about being so busy.

“Aye?! Trains still run from London to Bristol you know.” There was a prickly pause.
“Anyhow, I have something your mother left for you here, but you need to visit to get it.”

“Not something you can post then?”

“Post?! Eh, eh, you don’t get off that easy my girl! Family will always be here for you, Cecile, remember that.”

As soon as she hung up, Lyle summoned her from the kitchen. She felt a stabbing chill creep up her spine and rubbed her arm as if to dampen her anxiety. He wanted to know who had called of course. She explained it was her aunt from Bristol, reminding him she had spoken about her when they first met. Ignoring this, he probingly asked why her aunt was calling now. Besides, how had she got the number in any event? Cecile’s feeble excuse was that she had forgotten to tell him she had bumped into Faith the week before. She watched his features harden. This was exactly why she had not mentioned it. It had felt so right to do at the time, so normal, like a life line.

He shook his head in disbelief, his piercing eyes scolding, reminding her about their agreement. She was to let him know everyone she gave their number to so he would know exactly who was calling, including family. She scribbled her aunt’s number which she had somehow already memorised. He snatched it.

“So what did this Aunt Lucinda want?” It sounded more like an accusation that she was courting intrusion without permission. He waved the paper in the air.

“Just to see me. It’s been such a long time. I’ve treated them so badly.” She hesitated, “She has something for me.”

“Oh? So what is it?” He hunched his pleading shoulders.

“She wouldn’t say. I need to go and get it.”

He wagged his finger. She would not be going anywhere without him. He blurted out something about her wanting to meet up with some long lost lover.

Her heart sank, but defiantly risked, “I was 19 when I first came to London. I didn’t leave anyone behind.” That was 5 years ago.

He grabbed her throat before she could utter another word. She gasped as he loosened his grip, gently stroking her skin. He could feel her trembling, hear her panting. He pressed his forehead on hers.

“You think I don’t know you?” He bit her lip. She tasted the saltiness; the abrasive warmth of his paralysing breath, shackling her freedom of movement. She had run away from the tensions of St Pauls for a new start, only to fall prey to his captivating charms and her own need for undivided attention. It was hard to tell where the pleasure ended and the pain began, whether there was a difference between the two anymore.

Aunt Lucinda called several times over the next few weeks. Lyle answered a couple of times. Following the last call, he quizzed Cecile about events after her mother’s funeral. She had felt uneasy raking through her deeply personal memories with him which aided to blur her recollection.

“So, did your mother leave a Will?”

“Umm … no, we didn’t find one.”

Later, he surprised her by agreeing to the visit on his weekend off. She could barely contain her childish delight. It was like having the buckles loosened on a straightjacket. Of course the outlay for the journey would come out of her wages, which he kept a tight reign on. She could care less about that, determined not to do anything “bad” to change his mind.

She grew more talkative once they were half way to Bristol. Lyle remarked she sounded like a regular canary all of sudden. He drove into a service station, musing maybe they should just turn around and forget the whole thing. She quietened down. He jammed a cassette in the player and lit a cigarette, deliberately blowing the smoke into her face. She tutted and coughed, opening the window without further protest.

They finally arrived. Lucinda lifted her long lost niece with a bear hug before Cecile nervously introduced Lyle. Aunt Lucinda gave him a brisk once over with a wry half smile before passing him over to her son to make him a drink.

Cousin Faith gave her an equally gratifying embrace. Vince had grown a moustache, which made him look much older than his 23 years, and Jemma had a new baby girl to add to her two boys. The cook up was like old times, only her parents were missing.

Cecile was enjoying herself so much, she completely forgot about the reason for the visit. Her aunt beckoned her.

“Come, come Cecile.” The young woman glanced back, checking how occupied Lyle was before her aunt grabbed her hand, pulling her up the stairs and slamming the door firmly behind them.

She put her hands behind her back and gave out a great sigh, sombrely shaking her head.

“Cecile, remember I been knowing you since you were a baby girl. We’re family. You can’t hide anything from me. You and Faith used to be as thick as thieves when you were teenagers. What’s going on with you child? Hmmm?”

That’s when it happened. The floodgates opened and Cecile just broke down crying. Her aunt put her arms around her niece, drawing her close, rubbing her coarse kinky hair.

“Hush.” She patted her back, rocking her niece. So much was swirling in that complicated silence.

It was Lucinda who broke the stillness. “You can tell me all about it when you’re ready but I do have something for you. I kept it with your mother’s things. I meant to give it to you before you left but completely forgot.” She briefly reminded Cecile about the trouble on the buses which had made a difficult time worse.

Cecile’s mother had died suddenly. Lucinda recounted how her sister used to say she didn’t think she would suffer a long illness and that certainly came true. She used to have such uncanny dreams.

“Remember when she dreamt that pirates robbed the High Street bank, then to everyone’s astonishment it was held up the next week when we were out shopping! Hmm hmm … And she dreamt your father won the pools, remember that?” Cecile vaguely recollected.

“Pity she didn’t dream the part about him running off with that woman with his winnings. Sorry … Me and my big mouth.”

Lucinda continued, “She told me you used to have these recurring nightmares. My goodness, you were around 8. I put it down to something you ate or some such. But she, your mother, was so troubled, she wrote it down in a letter for you. When Faith bumped into you, for some reason it immediately came to mind. I couldn’t understand why. Then when I called, you just didn’t sound Okay. It was bugging me so much.

Cecile dried her eyes again, her parents’ images flitting around in her head. She opened the envelope, recognising her mother’s handwriting. As she read, she felt the blood draining from her cheeks. She dropped the letter on the bed. Lucinda picked it up and fanned it.

“You can’t take this letter with you when you leave. That’s if you feel you want to leave. You can stay here if you want. In fact, I’d probably sleep better if you did.” She kept fanning.

The tears just kept flowing down the young woman’s cheeks, as flashes of a large boa constricting her entire body from a childhood nightmare surfaced.

“How can this be? I don’t understand. How this can be?” she wailed.

“Cecile, there are more things in heaven and earth than man knows about. I don’t know why you ran away to London like that but you’ve read it yourself. Your life depends on it … Lord have mercy.” She rolled her eyes.

“Your father was a womaniser but he loves you. I have something else he left you too.” She fumbled around.

Shouts from downstairs permeated the room as more family arrived.

“Yeh, we coming …” Lucinda breached the door and yelled back.

“Here.” She handed her niece a silver watch. “This was your mother’s, she gave it to me but I am giving to you. You can tell that man, this is what your mother left you. What I was holding for you, for sentimental value.”

They rejoined the gathering throng.

It was early evening when much to everyone’s disappointment, Lyle abruptly cut the reunion short, announcing they had a long drive back and commitments the next day. Cecile who had been noticeably edgy reluctantly agreed. A tangibly unsettling atmosphere lingered after their departure.

Lyle was not going to subject himself to that again in a hurry. However, regaining control, he grabbed her wrist before tossing the limb aside, quipping that the watch had hardly been worth the drive. He reinforced that he was the mainstay of her existence, no one else. He pinched her chin to make the point, rousing her from her deep withdrawal. He knew she had been crying, putting it down to the occasion overwhelming her.

Boozy from the brandy she had drunk to numb her confused fears, she ably fobbed off his annoying questions. His response was to turn the radio up loud to her obvious discomfort.

It took Cecile six nerve breaking weeks to complete her arrangements. She waited until he was working his next night shift, packing as much of her belongings as she could cram in the cab she called from a phone box.

It was raining heavily. Sat in the back seat of the cab, it dawned on her that they had shared a roof, food and a bed without companionship, without love: a vacant and lonely relationship. She left without a forwarding address.

Lyle was incensed. He ripped and smashed the belongings she left behind. He hadn’t seen it coming. He had meant to make her pregnant so she would stay with him. He thought he knew her, had kept a tight reign on her. How could he have been so blind? He had an idea where she had found the courage to leave which he backtracked to Bristol. That’s where he thought she most likely would be … He determined to find her …

She descended from a clear blue sky, crossing the turquoise waters bounded by distant mountains. Her first ever fearless flight, Cecile touched down at Kingston, a warm harbour sea breeze wafting inland, caressing. Lucinda had given her the money her father had left her from his winnings. It came in useful. At length she spotted his unmistakable broad grin in the crowd, below that old hat he was so fond of.

“Welcome home daughter. Your mother dream me, said I should look out for you.” He laughed, squeezing her affectionately.

“Daddy!!!” She draped herself around his neck. “I missed you so much.”

“Hmm … Never mind,” he soothed. “You back with family now.”

Lucinda hung up the phone. She felt a chill run down her spine, whispering a silent prayer as she folded her sister’s letter recording her daughter’s nightmare scenario, detailing how a man named Lyle would strangle her. She hoped she had done enough to avert the nightmare.