Pandering Thoughts

My Keeper had a different look in his eyes. I noticed a sadness about him, weeks before the big changes, as I munched my way through my life, between sleeping, climbing and yawning that is. I meant to ask him what was the matter, while busy sampling the different types of bamboo shoots on the new menu.

They kept taking me to the clinic - that place with the bright lights, shiny stuff and sharp things that they use to prod us bears. Kept checking my fur, my teeth and sticking me every which way. It’s just not right having to thumb your way through all that. Hmm, they gave me some honey to improve my mood. That worked.

Then one day there was all this commotion and they put me in this blue box with holes and lifted me onto this moving contraption. I kept my cool though. Oh that was something else! What in the world was going on? There was this rocking and rolling and gasping noise. It was rattling and bumpy. I was sure my entire hide had to be sore. Oh what a bear has to bear in this life.

Then we arrived at this strange place and it was even noisier, all that roaring and he was there too. Grumpy, yeh he was there. I could smell him before I saw him mind. I shouted, “YG, do you know what’s going on?” Thinks the sun shines out of his rear wotsit that one. Haven’t quite made up my mind if I like him yet, but who cares? It’s my life aye … I should care …

What on earth was going on? Where have you stashed my Keeper? Did you load him up with the rest of the bamboo by any chance? I mean, should I start having a crisis or something? Ahhhhh what’s happening? What’s all that noise? What’s happening to my ears? Maybe if I closed my eyes and tried to sleep it will all go away. Hey, you think they’d have someone clean my cage out while I slept? I like to keep my fur clean if you don’t mind.

Now what’s happening? Where am I? Why is it so noisy?! You dug my Keeper out yet? Never mind, what’s for breakfast then? Hope you didn’t forget to pack some bananas. Take my mind off this stuff. Hey, the air here smells different here. Anybody know why? Who are all these funny looking humans? No, I can’t understand a word you’re saying. Speak Chinese why don’tcha!!! “Ni hao… Ni hao ma?”

Ooh wee ... More bumps and rolling! Where are we going now? I see Grumpy’s still with me. Really, just who are all these strange people? I still can’t understand a word they’re saying. Read my face, watch my body language. Don’t just stand there gaping. You’d think they’d never seen a panda before. Well, let me introduce myself to you, I’m TT. Who you calling Sweetie? Oh me? How about giving me some honey and carrots cos I’m sweet like that, not like Grumpy over there.

So, do you humans also just stand around like that all day? Why not use your scarves like wings and your coats like tails and jump around a little, keep you warm and you might even like it! The penguins dance around like that all the time. They love it!

Oh this place isn’t too bad I guess. Take a little getting used to, but it’s green and spacious enough. Like to scent it up a bit, you know. Pretend I’m home. Talking about home, so when does this holiday trip come to an end? Come again? I don’t understand. Is there someone around here who can translate the word ten for me? I thought this was a holiday.

So when DO I get to go home again? Pardon? Excuse me?! You want me to do what? Oh, the translator is finally here and about time. Someone’s got their thumbs crossed I think. I don’t remember stamping my paw on any contract. What, they did it when I was asleep?! That allowed? And they want me to do WHAT with Grumpy? You have got to be kidding right? No one’s riding my B&W bear back bare – you understand. Watch my face. You wouldn’t like to connect with the back of my paw! Say what? They’ll show me a film? A film of what?! I’m under age, too young to watch films like that. You managed to find my old Keeper yet? Did I lend my paw to any of this? Call the WWF, I have rights – they’ll tell you. Hey YG, it’s me TT. Did you know about any of this? Where is that bear when you need him? Typical. What’s wrong with him? His fat rolling rump was around here earlier. You say he has colic? I saw a tall man, looked a bit like one of those penguins in one of the other enclosures, only he was wearing black shoes and eating a prawn sandwich. Come to think of it, perhaps he was trying to mimic us pandas. Just hope he didn’t offer YG any of his sandwich. They should have signs around here about that sort of thing – they did back home you know. Hey, give Grumpy some honey and carrots and get his panda eyes to read his contract. Mind you give him enough carrots now.