Everything that happens in my life, I allow.
When I wake up and go on the internet,
knowing it will dissolve my will to write,
I allow it.
When I latch onto futile resentment
that will inevitably hurt me and nobody else,
I allow it.
When I say and do things that I know are wrong,
Positive that they’ll backfire on me,
I allow it.
When I refuse to do the right thing,
Knowing that I’m draining myself of love,
I allow it.
When I enter into a betting shop,
sure that I’ll swear and get angry and lose,
I allow it.
When I lie to myself,
Knowing that I’ll be found out,
I allow it.
When I smoke twenty cigarettes a day,
Aware that it’s killing me slowly,
I allow it.
When I pick up a drink and smoke a joint,
Like I do in my dreams,
I allow it.
Even when I know that God’s plan is in everything I do,
And that I have the right to decide my own fate,
I allow it.

Comments
oldpesky | November 13, 2011 - 13:10
HI Richard. I won't make it down this week but I hope you chose to read this one. When I read your pieces like this I don't know whether to give you a hug, a kick up the arse or just be happy that I know someone who can write with such honesty and skill. Well done. Hope you're having a good weekend.
animan | November 13, 2011 - 14:45
Zo, Monsieur Blighters, you do not allow fate to be fate. You do not allow god to be god. Veeery interesting. Good for you!
ScoZen | November 13, 2011 - 18:07
I'm with oldpesky in his comment to you.
I for one shall continue to read your posts.
Regards.
Well done on the cherry.
widdicombe81 | November 13, 2011 - 18:19
liked your honesty, thought it was very true.
Beeme | November 13, 2011 - 20:07
I really, really like this one :)
Beeme xx
Linda Wigzell Cress | November 13, 2011 - 21:28
This poem is deep. I shall continue to ponder.
rjnewlyn | November 13, 2011 - 21:56
Yes, very good. Very much 'the human condition' - certainly not just you. See you on Wednesday.
Rob
animan | November 14, 2011 - 00:20
Thanks for the exposition. I think I did (slightly) misunderstand your intention here - sorry. The poem does raise a lot of issues, cultural, personal and philosophical and, indeed, poetic. It's funny how something so seemingly simple can send one, when one does start to ponder, spinning around in lots of personal ratiocinative circles - at least in my case. ON the cultural side, I suppose I do wonder what you mean by god here. Is that a religious god, a Christian one? Somehow the notion of god seems quite highly culturally determined or loaded in a way that a notion or the notion of fate is not. I fear I'm launching into some form of socratic discourse which I recognise is a bit presumptuous of me - particularly as I am no Socrates! lol
animan | November 14, 2011 - 11:37
Yeah, I understand better now. Thanks. I think where you might say God, I think I might say Spirit, though, for me, spirit and Spirit and spirits all seem to work in a ... a kind of multiple dynamic, which is what I think I did take away (as in absorb, develop internally) from your fascinating poem.
animan | November 14, 2011 - 12:23
Yes, I understand what you're saying, but I think I would say that, many times, I find that people do 'do it for me when I need sustainable enlightenment' - often in quite seemingly random and quirky ways. But then again, one could say that's not random but the result of some higher power or fate, in that one could be said to meet the person that one meets at or around the moment that one needs to meet that person - and, it's often mutual.
The last time I was about to have an accident, I just shouted out 'garh'. I was in my car and I wondered why I made that strange noise and then I realised that it was the body's way of ensuring that I didn't bite the end of my tongue off in the heat of the moment. Darn clever! Don't know why I added that - just thought I would. All I can think now is thank god for ABS or there'd be two less ASBOs on the planet right now.
animan | November 14, 2011 - 16:09
I met this weird geezer once at a party - he was a Lib Dem councillor - he was introduced to me as such and that his particular responsibility and claim to fame was duck patrol. lol . I somehow never got up the energy to ask exactly what duck patrol was all about!!
Overthetop1 | November 24, 2011 - 00:45
Very belatedly, this is great writing and I could really emapathise with you. You deserve much paraise for your honesty. Additons are really awful and cause so much pain, both to yourself and those who love you. I totally got this. Keep up the struggle - and believe in whatever or whoever you need to get by. In any case - there has to be something better than this life surely. And believing that can get you through, and I hope it does for you too.
Christine | December 14, 2011 - 17:53
Hi I liked this. I haven't read all the comments but because this piece is nicely formulaic and prayer like (which I liked) is it necessary to make the God ref at the end? It is a wee bit like underlining a message and I thinks weakens the piece and might sound like you are patronising the reader. Hope you don't mind this comment. I wouldn't say it, if I didn't like the stuff.
Batter my heart, three person'd god, as the man says.
PS
I've just read your biog. Blinkin' eck! Have you really done all these things and under what name? I'll have to have a look. Everybody on this site seems to know each other but I'm only just finding stuff out.