‘Hello, sir. How are we today, sir? Shares are up three points already, sir, and it’s only just gone nine, sir.
Now, how are we in the chair today, sir? Let’s just put your feet on the stool, shall we, sir? That’s it.
Oh dear, sir, it does seem that your feet are a tad cold. I best fetch your favourite blanket, sir.
There we are, sir. That’s nice, isn’t it, sir?
Now, would you like tea or coffee, sir? How about a nice salmon sandwich, sir.
Oh dear, sir, the sun seems to be in your eyes, sir. Let me close the curtains a touch for you, sir.
There we are, sir. Now, how about that sandwich, sir? There’s some lovely tuna in the larder, sir, fresh from the river, sir. How about a nice tuna sandwich? And some tea? Or perhaps some coffee for sir.
Oh dear, sir. You do seem to be down in the dumps today, sir. Is it the cricket, sir? We’re bound to bounce back, sir. Still three days to go, sir. Perhaps sir would like to watch some television. How about Spongebob, sir? He’s a cheery soul, sir.
I know, sir! What say a bout of Blackadder? He’s sure to perk you up, sir.
There we are, sir.
Popping it in now, sir.
Let’s have a look at your cushions, sir. One needed for your head, I think, sir. There we are, sir.
My, my, sir you do seem to have caught a chill. Let me just, check your hand, sir. You won’t mind me doing that, will you, sir?
I think I best go and fetch the nurse, sir. Can’t be too sure, sir. Won’t be a jiffy, sir.
Sir’s dead, sir.
Oh dear, sir. We can’t be having that now, can we, sir.
What say I rustle up a nice fire, sir? Yes, that’s the ticket, sir. A good, old-fashioned fire to warm the bones, sir. That’s just what sir needs.
There we are, sir. It’ll be cracking away in no time, sir. Now, about that sandwich. I’ve taken a look at the tuna, sir, and it might need a while, so how about salmon, sir? Scottish, of course, your favourite, sir.
Nurse, do make yourself busy. Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?
But sir’s dead, sir.
Don’t be so stupid, woman. Sir’s nothing of the sort. How on earth do you think sir would feel if he heard you? Quite disgraceful. Now be off with you.
But sir’s..
Off with you now!
There we are, sir. Blackadder Three. What could be better, sir?
Do you mind if I sit with you, sir?
I’ve never had the pleasure of sitting next to you, sir.
There we are, sir. Just the two of us now, sir.
Perhaps some tea, sir. What say I fetch a nice pot of tea, sir?
Won’t be long, sir.
Comments
oldpesky | September 18, 2011 - 10:25
This one took me completely by surprise. I'm intrigued as to your inspiration and know I'm missing something.
skinner_jennifer | September 18, 2011 - 12:25
Hi Richard,
this was an intriguing story, with lots of inner
messages. It's amazing where insperation can come
from and it looks like your dreams have really
inspired you.
I really enjoyed, thankyou for sharing.
Jenny.
oldpesky | September 18, 2011 - 18:55
Good evening Richard, couldn't let this pass without pulling your leg a little.
'In the dream, I found out that for some reason my brain had been put into the head of another man who looked very similar to me (maybe I'm changing).'
Have you transmutated into spambot or lord lucan? ;)
rjnewlyn | September 18, 2011 - 22:29
Oh heck OP, don't get started on all that again ...
I liked this - bizarre and nightmarish (a bit like those old buried alive stories). But effective and nicely strange.
Rob
oldpesky | September 18, 2011 - 22:48
I know, Rob. I know. I'm 'fairly' confident Richard will appreciate my feeble attempt at humour, but just in case he doesn't I've already dug myself a big hole to hide in.
Overthetop1 | September 21, 2011 - 17:35
I found this touching and intriguing. Nicely done. When you talk about butlers I can't help thinking of the faithful old Hudson, in Upstairs Downstairs. And now we have Bates in Downton Abbey, falling on his sword for the sake of his master.
As for inspiration, that was some nightmare. I am hopeless at dream interpretation, and won't even try, but now I know other people have as strange dreams as me. I never have psitive dreams, only dark, eery ones. My sister consitently dreams she is in Auswitchz. I have often dreamt that I am about to go into battle in WW1. Past lives? Symbolic? No idea. Thanks for the read. I love things that provide me with a good old ponder.
Cavalcaderl | September 23, 2011 - 15:52
new Blighters rock
Very interesting story.
This reminds of "The Time Machine".
Where one sat in a chair presses the button,
go back into time". The mind is a complicated
thing. Can be coursed by so much,even t.v late
at night,something awful, or bad papers news,
good ghastly! all play on the mind. Happenings
during the day maybe. Life all different. So empty the mind before going to bed,I will sleep nothing will harm or interrupt me lord." I once told open a psalm and read it,can't; think number,yet because of happenings,one vicar said, next time,saw stood in front choir people,I was in, embarrassing "well did it work?" I didn't believe? said "yes" quietly
and many years pills and pain, that's another story,
can't go into, Umm! "yes it did," "I knew it would he said". But book! states you will see signs and wonders! Ah! took years. One is to be on here!
You did great evening Welcoming all at
the "Wheatsheaf" London. Is it word compere. Look how you were guided
to get the book auction it.
Bit tight in the corner there, didn't want sit with back
towards all. Had a squeeze past "Las Vadis, sit my bottom on the table get into seat. Thankyou.
Ah! you are a star* I took two photos I tried.
one caught the side of you in photo, by great poet
"Jennifer" as you had moved to quick, when standing up with her. Can email if like if send me, and mine attach for you,and "jennifer" or bring November small large big?
As Ray now has a copier, I can't work it.
yep! will be there November as you asked me if mine! takes me. You are a gifted person, "too everyone I will give a talent". Even make a cup of tea. There you are! It is the encouraging needed in all.
Have you read in the paper's now, new tea out small shaped as a cube £1 one! makes 8 cups, must have tea-pot, and right milk skimmed and water correct temperature. "Ling Lang" or something that kind, say
smell and aroma is most unusual and nice sleepy effect. Tea-bag blows up hot water hits it. Sounds more of a therapy tea I think.
bless you have a good day
julie xx.
MistakenMagic | September 24, 2011 - 10:39
You had me at Spongebob and Blackadder, Richard ;-) Wonderful bit of monologue and the repetition of 'Sir' is quite hypnotising!
Magic xxx
L G Meadows | September 30, 2011 - 07:37
Yes, nice touch of old world etiquette and care, master servant relationship. Wonder if there were really any like that. A good read.