Every time we check for viruses
in our groins, our breasts and our hard drives;
Every time we worry about deadlines,
for charges, bills and interest;
Every time we buy things to absolve,
our guilt, ageing and other ugly truths;
Every time we hark back to the past,
to Bullseye, QI and Life of Brian;
We give up.
Every time we see poverty and despair,
on TV, the streets and in the mirror;
Every time we get angry and shout,
at loved ones, the sick and the distant;
Every time we detach ourselves,
from responsibility, purpose and denial;
Every time we say we’ll make a difference,
in love, life and the world;
We give up.
Because we don’t change.
We just say we will, one day,
when we have time.
Comments
Anne Shirley | November 8, 2011 - 06:55
"Every time we check for viruses
in our groins, our breasts and our hard drives,"
Thats great! And I definately know that feeling, of just not really bothering. You described it well.
Linda Wigzell Cress | November 8, 2011 - 11:42
Very cleverly put. Rings true with me!
jennifer | November 8, 2011 - 18:37
Oh yes, so true!
Just a thought - maybe use semicolons to help you with your listing, which would make the ideas easier to define for the writer (too many commas can blur the meaning) e.g.:
'Every time we check for viruses
in our groins, our breasts and our hard drives;
Every time we worry about deadlines,
for charges, bills and interest;
Every time we buy things to absolve,'
J x
RachelPatricia | November 9, 2011 - 14:41
I thought this was brilliant, Richard. First stanza is especially powerful and I loved how you both opened and closed this piece - very much enjoyed :)
See you at the meet next week - will get back to you about that soon ;)
Rachel xx
jennifer | November 9, 2011 - 15:15
Richard,
I very much enjoy reading work on the site and giving and receiving comments - it's how we all learn as writers!
Great poem!
J x
ScoZen | November 9, 2011 - 16:46
I liked this blighter's.
A thought provoking read in many ways.
Cavalcaderl | November 9, 2011 - 19:12
new Blightersrock
Hi! Richard.
Well written. So very true
to life and all problems.
I just say, screw up all newspapers
Stop the phones Have a day free!
Nature, shops cafe's whatever.
Turn tv off! one day have a sing a long
Probably see you next week, we will..
All goes well.
Well deserved cherry!
julie x
oldpesky | November 10, 2011 - 10:55
Nice one Richard. Reminds me of that old programme Why Don't You?, the procrastination of the Judean People's Front when Brian is being crucified, and how the road to hell is paved with good intentions. We can all feel a bit overwhelmed at times, but we can all make a difference, even if it's just to one person at a time. Spread joy and put smiles on others' faces.
Beeme | November 10, 2011 - 12:29
I really enjoyed this Richard.
Beeme xx
Beeme | November 10, 2011 - 12:38
No I don't think I can make it to this one.
Beeme xx
scratch | November 10, 2011 - 19:25
Blighters,
The metre is superb, it builds into becoming the harbinger of the piece - we know what's coming, we don't like it one bit and we can't bloody well stop reading! When a poem is written in a way such that the 'inner-acoustic' renders intent and feeling in itself, the whole poetic experience is enhanced and this is a good example of that at work.
I love to see economy of writing and expression like this; two main stanza’s providing a wealth of meaning, packed with truisms.
I agree with the observation regarding punctuation (Jennifer) by the way.
Overall thoroughly enjoyable,
Regards,
Scratch.
Overthetop1 | November 24, 2011 - 00:52
This is simply wonderful. And so right. You have a very original and uncompromising way of writing, which really works. So glad to see those juicy fruit rolling in for you.
Overthetop1 | November 24, 2011 - 19:49
I am so glad I got round to reading your work. It is inspirational, and glad you are glad it makes perfect sense to me. Not sure I'm on the right track today as am in no cherry no mans land with no cherry to be seen. AAArgh awful ABC OCD/paranoia. I must have done something to annoy the eds - but can't think what. You are so right about our dialogues with a God that we can't always believe in ie this am I have been trying to bargain with God for a cherry. What a loser! Well if you can continue to write like this, and believe in something strongly - there is hope for the rest of us who are of an addictive persuasion.