I dreamt I was a fish last night
swimming in a bowl
all I had to look at
was a fire burning coal.
I kept on swimming round and round
but couldn’t see a thing
just this conflagration, it seemed
I was trapped in a fiery ring.
I became a little worried
that changed to real concern
my water started to bubble
and my fins began to burn.
The last thought I remember
as my flesh began to boil,
at least I'd be much healthier
than a fish that’s fried in oil!
Comments
Ewan | May 11, 2009 - 09:33
Wipes tear of laughter from eye: that did make me laugh, thank you.
chuck | May 11, 2009 - 13:00
That's a hoot bradene. And it fits the chords to Hotel California.
Ewan | May 11, 2009 - 17:10
I used to do a parody version of that called Hotel Caledonia, it was dedicated to all the English Airmen forever moaning about being posted to Kinloss.
Jasper_Milvain | May 11, 2009 - 17:22
Nice and it definitely made me smile too.
If I could make a suggestion.
You're writing this in a ballad style of stanza: 4 beats, then three, four beats, then three.
At least I'd be much healthier
will help because it has four clear beats.
Similarly
All I had to look at was
A fire burning coal.
Would work better for me.
This is just an opinion of course. Others may well think diferently.
Enjoyed this very much.
Thanks.
JM.
SundaysChild | May 11, 2009 - 17:49
Very funny indeed. Lovely.
Well done!
Bradene | May 12, 2009 - 13:02
You're welcome. Val
Bradene | May 12, 2009 - 13:04
Oh! isn't that an Eagles song? or have I mixed it up with another song? I love the Eagles. Thanks for stopping by. Val
Bradene | May 12, 2009 - 13:05
Lol
Bradene | May 12, 2009 - 13:06
Edited, thanks again for rescuing me JM. Val
Bradene | May 12, 2009 - 13:06
Thank you SC Much appreciated. Val
sarah wilson | May 13, 2009 - 11:58
Very simple and funny. I love it! Sarah:-)
Bradene | May 14, 2009 - 12:50
Thanks Sarah Glad you saw the fun in it. Val x