Flawed

I think you could break this into stanzas, so that the full stops have their full effect, which would prevent the reader zooming through and, rather, stop to think.

By Jove Jennifer I think you are right!. This is another one that earned me a great read nib at UKA. Thanks for your interest and your very wise advice. Always appreciated since I am so thick when it comes to punctuation. Val

I agree, the stanzas make it a much easier read. And a fabulous read at that! The last stanza is very chilling.

Magic xxx

Thanks Magic. I'm glad you picked up the chilling vibes because though I didn't know it at the time of writing this poem, I was proved right and the end was very chilling indeed. Val x

Much better, yes! Works so well now, with the reader having 'digesting' time in between stanzas.

J x