On reed beds purple loosestrife spike,
Mayfly dodge the sliding pike.
Oh! do beware the rusty bike
Thrown there by man.
And see the dragonfly flash past
Translucent blue it darts so fast,
Above a mattress, old, outcast
Again by man.
Stately swan with cygnets swimming
Unaware the dangers brimming
Human litters, pretty trimming
With anglers line
The pollywogs are hatched and flock
Safe in the shade of tall hemlock,
Along the banks with lady’s smock
And condom slime.
Where honeysuckle hangs on hedge,
Violets peep out beneath the sedge
Where nests of dunnock young will fledge
And garbage thrives.
On tow path rutted long ago
Our Dobbin pulled the boats so slow,
Now just the polystyrenes grow
With plastic knives.
Water voles in bullrush bide,
Along with moor hen chicks they hide
And mother hen will sometimes glide
In cellophane.
For now neglected byways toil,
Through town and country mixing soil
With rainbow pools and scummy oil
And acid rain.
Who will repair forgotten locks?
Can we as one turn back the clocks?
And stop the cancer’s sneering mocks
Re-float the boats?
Using our waterways with pride
Unclog the grime, sluice far and wide
For future generations ride
On pleasure boats.
©
Copyright
VMM
2007
Comments
Bradene | October 13, 2008 - 15:37
I'm disappoined.. No feedback on this topical theme. Would love to get some views please. Val
jennifer | November 7, 2008 - 08:05
Actually there are more boats on the waterways now than there have been since they stopped being used for transportation of goods, and British Waterways do a lot to maintain the rivers and canals - they are in the process of opening closed canals to accommodate the upsurge in interest and traffic. Bristol and the South West waterways certainly are very busy.
As for the poem itself, it's very rigid and, dare I say it, old-fashioned in structure. I disagree that it's some of your best work. It feels as if you have forced your thoughts into the tight structure, losing some of the effect you wished to achieve along the way. I would suggest a re-write, forgetting the structure, letting your message lead your words instead.
Jen x
Bradene | November 7, 2008 - 14:46
Thanks for commenting Jen. This was a project we did for some canal society somewhere in the south East I think, a friend on UKA suggested it as a challenge. Being a fan of JB I chose the form of his slough poem because he was expressing his views and disappointments of how Slough had become and since I was brought up next to the Grand Union Canal I am always appalled to see some of the waterways these days, although I do concede it is nowhere near as bad as it was. However I do see what you mean about the stricture of the form. Perhaps a re-write may be a good idea. Thanks again for taking the time to comment. Val
jennifer | November 9, 2008 - 00:30
Think my comment is rather harsh. Perhaps BW should do more. Have just remembered my licence is due for renewal and I'm quite skint!
But, Little Miss Honesty that I am, I meant every word about the poem. Now you have explained that it was written with a specific purpose, I understand why it feels forced. My poetry is the same - stick to selfish themes, write for yourself, and you will write straight from the heart, thereby producing your best work. The poem lacks the emotion that I know burns at your fingers when you write for yourself.
Jen x