A head that’s empty
out of touch
a heart that’s cold
not feeling much;
eyes that see
yet register naught
a mind in turmoil
forgotten thought.
A hope of light
the smallest glimmer
is quickly doused
hopes get slimmer;
random phrases
still survive
at childish songs
eyes come alive;
just for a space
the shortest while
brings back a tune
to create a smile.
Then lights diminish
eyes go opaque
the beat has stopped
and heart strings break.
©
Copyright
VMM2008
Comments
jennifer | October 24, 2008 - 09:09
Consider the semi-colon in place of some of your full stops. And with such regular absolute breaks, why not break into stanzas?
Love the last two lines:
'the beat has stopped
and heart strings break.'
Bradene | October 24, 2008 - 12:01
Thanks Jennifer I think that makes sense Can't think why I did it like that in the first place. Your kind of Critique I like. Val x