As the night time
fades
into
morning,
you can see
for a single moment,
in the shimmer
of
distant stars,
a subtle trace
of
things
that
we might
never
understand.
I wonder,
what
happens to
this
poem then,
with all that space,
between us?
Comments
capoeiragem | July 16, 2008 - 18:42
Second draft, now comes with new and improved alternate ending...lol. Have left the first draft up on the main page so feel free to compare/contrast and let me know which one you prefer...
Dynamaso | July 17, 2008 - 00:47
I prefer this to the original. The ending is much more succinct and satisfying.
Doeslittle | July 17, 2008 - 07:38
I prefer this version too, and I like the idea though it's a bit minimalist for me and find myself having to fill in the gaps with meaning...but then perhaps that's the idea!
capoeiragem | July 17, 2008 - 22:46
Thanks guys, I think I prefer this version as well but thought I'd leave it to the public vote...You're right Doeslittle, it was definitely my intention to leave gaps for the reader, although I appreciate that minimalist poetry isn't everyone's cup of tea...Don't usually write this sort of thing myself, and I guess the lines 'I wonder what happens to this poem...' could be read as a kind of throw-away meditation on the degree to which this kind of poetry actually suceeds. Saying that I've been reading some of Octavio Paz's shorter pieces recently which have absolutely blown me away, so I think that when it works, it really works. Thanks again for your comments guys, really appreciate it :)