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Posted by capoeiragem on December 20, 2007 - 13:24
from the ABC set Poetry

She said
'tomorrow might never come'
to which I said
'it already has.
It happened yesterday,
along with all those other
thousand year old things,
because today is yesterday
tomorrow'
pronounced with more than a hint
of complacency,
she looked at me
and shook her head,
'You're a postmodernist's dream,
but beware the difference
between art and being'
'Internalized concepts will permeate'
I whispered.
'So I will see you tomorrow?'
'Maybe' I replied, 'or maybe
you will see me yesterday,
or even today tomorrow in a few weeks time'
She smiled,
'we will always have tomorrow'.
'It's over' she suddenly shouted,
and I remember smiling too at first,
but now she is gone
I wonder
what those words really mean,
when time fades inside a whisper,
and yesterday is tomorrow
is today?

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Comments

capoeiragem | December 20, 2007 - 13:28

alternative ending:

but now she is gone
I can't help but wonder
what those words really mean,
when time fades inside a whisper
and yesterday is tomorrow
is today?

really couldn't decide which ending sounded better, any help would be much appreciated!

littleditty | December 21, 2007 - 13:22

but now she is gone
I wonder
what those words really mean,
when time fades inside a whisper
and yesterday is tomorrow
is today?

simple present tense, everpresent now - rather than íng´ which although suggests time passing, might be unnecessary considering the idea you have here! Did that make any sense? :o

and simplicity, ´I wonder´, for the same reason, i reckon - but i have now confused myself, and shall wander off - this poem is great! Enjoyed!

capoeiragem | December 22, 2007 - 18:22

yes that certainly did make a lot of sense :) thanks for your advice, have made the necessary changes!

really wasn't that sure about this one as a whole so i'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks again for your comments

capoeiragem | December 22, 2007 - 18:23

yes that certainly did make a lot of sense :) thanks for your advice, have made the necessary changes!

really wasn't that sure about this one as a whole so i'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks again for your comments

ellydawn | February 4, 2008 - 16:05

I really like this poem - it's one of the best I've read in a long time. It has a beautiful flow and is deceptively sophisticated.