The Sandwich Monster

I am the sandwich monster
I gobble a thousand a day
Don’t ask me what my favourite filling is
It’s impossible for me to say

But I do love a ‘policeman panini’
Or ‘Trafalgar pigeon’ on white bread,
I once ate the crown jewels in a bap
Took the crown right off the Queen's head!

See, since I was a baby monster
Tucked up in my cot
I demanded nine loaves of bread a day
And then I gobbled the lot

My mummy monster threw me out
My demands, they took their toll
She couldn’t bring herself to make
Another ‘black cab driver roll’

In the old Middlesex hospital
I sit surrounded by crumbs
And when the sandwiches are all gone
I snack on children’s thumbs.