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HUMPTY DUMPTY (Not True)

Posted by Cavalcaderl on June 14, 2009 - 14:06

Dumpty, was always tubby at school, but he could!t run or jump properly" He was tip top at most subjects, the girls made him climb the apparatus ladder, he thought he would fall! Dumpty would try to sit there eating his crisps so no one could see him Dumpty loved to blow out his cheeks with his mouth full at the girls if they made fun of him , while the teachers had their backs turned away from him. One day Dumpty started to cut down on starchy foods, and fizzy drinks, he lost weight so quickly that his trousers nearly fell of he had to tighten his belt.
Dumpty at week ends made himself go for walks especially over the downs and high hills he came upon stile but avoided it so sat down on the brick wall. He saw a sign to " Sweet Hill" Oh no" Dumpty shouted !not sweets I can!t have. He could see pub in the distance called "You Can Do It" But did not have any good clothes on "I will go he said " it was all down hill, when he got there Dumpty bought a glass of beer and poured it out and retired in the chair, he fell asleep there after the beer? Dreaming in a world of his own thinking of the girls ,he now could run after! Pleased with all the advice given previously when ,he awoke Dumpty just caught a glance of the golden sun going down over the hill on the horizon. Feel free any comments!alterations. Thanks Margharita. all changed now ?. Hows that. Cx

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Comments

Margharita | June 14, 2009 - 18:36

I think this is a wonderfully imaginative idea. I did wonder if you'd thought about having him actually sitting on a wall, like in the rhyme, rather than a bench, when he sees 'Sweet Hill' - just a thought, as you'd already referred back to the rhyme when you said he was afraid of falling from the ladder.

I do think it needs some more work on the punctuation - sometimes the reader has to go back over a sentence to make sure they've read it right (well, this reader needed to!) and that's a distraction from the actual story.

What really comes over is how much you enjoy your writing.

This really made me smile. Thanks.

Cavalcaderl | June 14, 2009 - 20:19

Thanks Margharita well I did say any comments, but I feel now this is not my work altering it.I knitted a big Humpty Dumpty once and filled it with stockings. Im new to all this like Jenny says punctuatio bad! But Im 7O O.A.P mY WRITING GROUP IS THE HOMELESS WE ALL BLEND TO-THER AND HAVE DONE BOOKS FREE SING,DANCE ACT.PAINT DRAW.Film host recently and most won an oscar had to laugh, but I collected all mine in £1 folder hubby said? As could not afford do anymore than 3 Pub; one paid, but fantastic to see.story could be 3 £500. I am amazed any comments good I have and times read 2.116 which I am thrilled. It is not my computer so I have to use when hubby not on it, sometimes I hit wrong key in hurry who doesnt. My works come from god under all adversity I pray and all these read I am overwhelmed and to read all of yours when time. Cx

Margharita | June 14, 2009 - 21:36

Oh, please only alter it if you want to! The important thing is that you are happy with what you write, and that you feel it is what you want to say. Any suggestions here or anywhere else are only someone's opinion. As I said before, the pleasure you take in your writing really comes across. I'll look forward to reading anything else you put on the site.

Cavalcaderl | July 13, 2009 - 22:12

new Margharita thankyou all comments.No I don't write or do poems it's writing group I go to homless
there fabc;ulous thing all do, and then put onto large screen shown and books and dvds, hosts certificates, and oscars given wonderful now put "in The Big issue'once my we;comp put all pictures refer to poems and stories but not my photos., looked great.everything lost returned last week over 8 months.well well.I couldn't do a thing,
julie x

Cavalcaderl | December 21, 2009 - 10:14

New Nolan
Thankyou great poem re-turn
Very cleverly written, Just found
on the track site, made me laugh!why
don't you put it on ABCTALES
if you haven't done of.
Great Rhymes.Ice and snow.whoop's
Happy Christmas
julie x

Nolan | December 24, 2009 - 15:25

We’re go’n to hang out the washing
on the Siegfried line,
Have you any dirty washing mother dear?

We’re go’n to hang out the washing
on the Siegfried line,
if the Siegfried line’s still there!