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Lucky To Have You BLUE EYES IP

Posted by Cavalcaderl on December 2, 2010 - 19:22

I was on my way to work
at seven months pregnant gone
it was pouring hard
kept under the shop's canopies
so I wouldn't get wet

But a man came out
and knocked me down
both legs were into a
shape V

A police car happened
then to be
the end of the road
drove me to work

I was taken to the Dr's
checked over
like a car
Just badly bruised
and shaken up!

Lucky to have you
blue blue eyes

A lovely baby
so tiny with fair curly hair
when she looked at me

I'd lay you on your changing mat
and sing to you
"Whiskers on kittens"
you would giggle and smile

Blue Blue Eyes
staring at me

Deep as the colour
of the blue sea

You would love
the radio on
in the bottom of your pram
To lull you off to sleep
as I walked along

blue blue eyes
staring at me

Fingers so delicate
entwined around mine
"shush"

little blue eyes
don't you cry

Blue Blue Eyes
staring at me.

all comments please, it's a one off

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

celticman | December 2, 2010 - 23:29

nicely done, shush to babies is always don't shush!

kheldar | December 2, 2010 - 23:37

A lovely piece Julie, the gentle repetion works very well, great take on the IP.

:--) xxx

Cavalcaderl | December 3, 2010 - 09:51

New celticman
Thankyou for your lovely comments.
then she was born two three weeks early.
A friend told me shush or shush meant to be
the shushing in his mother's womb,don't know.
The word is only in one dictionary, in inverted
speech marks.Is this ok.Thanks.
julie x

Silver Spun Sand | December 3, 2010 - 11:20

This is beautiful, Julie and the repitition of 'blue, blue eyes' gives a soft and almost lullaby feel to it. Well done;-)

Tina xx

insertponceyfre... | December 3, 2010 - 11:49

I agree with Tina - the repetition gives the poem a lilting, lullaby quality. this is beautiful Julie - well done!

Cavalcaderl | December 3, 2010 - 13:20

New Silver-Spun-sand
Gee! Thanks a lot Tina
was doubtful put the truth
in poem form,was hard,now altered.
But love comments,and ideas coming
in on the AbcTales.
Well favourite cat looking round door
smell heating,so we had him in,like Ray
and laying beside the computer as he used it.
keep warm Miss the bird's singing.What's it like your way.Your's are amazing how you can do.
all the best. Icey in land too.
After had letter told to go,owing to my
condition,thing's changed now thank goodness.
julie xx

Cavalcaderl | December 3, 2010 - 13:52

New kheldar
Hi! glad you like it.thankyou
for lovely comment.Of course
she is grown up now. I once had
a card,every part of a babe was
in the poem then,I bought at the time.
Sun is peeping through,icy everywhere.
Hope all is well with you.Not adventuring
out yet! Altered poem a bit now,comment please.
All true.I must catch up read more of your's and all
Always good hear from you.The IP says can repeat so tried.Do you think I should repeat a kind of, chorus
after every verse.or be too much? I was going to put the
Title as Blue Eyes then, Lucky to have you. IP
julie xx

Cavalcaderl | December 3, 2010 - 13:53

new Insertponceyfre
Thanks comments so nice, and ideas
get it to sound right. It was done so quick.
Have re-arranged it,pleased all ideas and comments
coming in.Does say IP repetitive, umm! umm!.
take care
julie xx

SundaysChild | December 3, 2010 - 22:29

Lovely piece, Julie- I agree there is a lullaby quality to it xx

Cavalcaderl | December 3, 2010 - 23:34

new SundaysChild
Hi! thankyou,mean't to be
a kind of chorus. Glad you liked,
altered quite a bit now,more sense in it.
keep warm.
julie xx