Every one assumes me to be depressed. Instead of being the hidden beast that embarrasses everyone, when you have cancer depression becomes socially acceptable. More acceptable than the cancer itself. What a pity then that I’m not depressed. I wouldn’t have to lie about it and paint a fake smile on my face; I wouldn’t have to hide the anti-depressants in a drawer.
I know why they think I am depressed: they are confusing sadness and fear with depression. I have never, ever felt this sad, and I am literally scared for my life, but I am not depressed. Depression is a feeling of removal and a removal of feeling, of being devoid of emotion, vacant. I am overwhelmed by emotion; it is choking me, erupting from me, drowning me. But I am not depressed. Not yet.
What is depressing is the tendency of some people and most medical staff to pathologise normal human emotion in this way. Crying when you have been given a diagnosis of cancer is not a sign of mental illness. It is a sign of good sense. Learn to tell the difference between the two.
Read more at http://breastcancercares.blogspot.com/
Comments
celticman | November 12, 2009 - 15:32
As usual, very astute and brilliant; far from depressing. I think maybe people want to explain things to themselves and depression is a convenient hook to hang an explanation.
Silver Spun Sand | November 12, 2009 - 18:27
Again, brilliantly penned, Christine.
"...they are confusing sadness and fear with depression."
How true.
Tina
Christine | November 12, 2009 - 18:35
I think you are right. They see depression as safer
sarah wilson | November 13, 2009 - 11:00
Very true. Depression is an umbrella word for all the emotions it is frightening to have. I have been really 'enjoying' your work Christine. So well written.
Christine | November 13, 2009 - 17:24
Thank you so much.