A – Z of Breast Cancer: TISSUE EXPANDER

This is an inflatable implant which sits underneath the chest muscle. It has a small metal port through which saline is injected over a period of weeks. This isn’t as hair-raising as you’d think. In fact I think it looks worse to the bystander. One nurse said to me, ‘I’d have run. I don’t know how you did that’. But I didn’t do anything, I was prodded and poked a bit and then the needle went in. You have to remember the breast tissue has been removed and the needle doesn’t have to penetrate too deep before it hits the metal. It is uncomfortable and inexplicably tiring but it is not painful. Each time the ‘bag’ is inflated, your skin stretches slightly giving the impression of a breast. Sometimes the doctors had difficulty injecting the saline into mine but other times I left the clinic with a plumped up half boob and would be delighted until a few days later I noticed that the thing had deflated a bit. To be honest the tissue expander is more disc-like than breast-like but it does the job and eventually it is removed and a permanent implant inserted, which I am told will give a realistic shape.

Ideal for the flat chested

Tissue expanders are ideal if you have small breasts because you can get a near symmetrical look fairly quickly. It can also make the mastectomy psychologically easier to deal with because from day one you will have a small mound where your breast was. So the feeling of loss is alleviated.

It is uncomfortable to begin with because the chest muscle doesn’t like the alien intruder and sometimes goes into small spasms when you exert yourself. I would be a liar if I said that having a piece of metal and a bag of liquid in my chest wasn’t weird and I admit to a whole new set of worries: Christ! What if it bursts, will I drown? Would the piece of metal mean I’d fry during radiotherapy, like tinfoil in a microwave? I was too embarrassed to ask the first of these questions but the answer to the second is no. Don’t ask why. Nobody said.

Cool metal

All this work on the boob meant that I was sore for quite a long time so the ten year old needed an explanation as to why he couldn’t just jump up and hug me spontaneously. I knew he’d be fascinated by the technology so I told him all about the implant. ‘Can it burst?’ was his first question. I should have taken him along as my cancer buddy and he could have asked all the questions I felt too foolish to broach. I also told him that I had a piece of metal inside me which the surgeon located with a magnet. His eyes widened, then he ran out of the room and I thought Oh God, too much information. I went too far that time. He returned a minute later with the strongest magnet he could find and held it close to my chest until he could feel the force, ‘Cool’ he said, ‘You’ll beep going through airports.”
Yeah, cool.

Time for adjustment

I’ve heard that people dislike tissue expanders because it is such a long, drawn-out process. I don’t mind. I think it gives you time to adjust. I have loads of time; the final part of my reconstruction has been set back for a while so I will have spent a full year with my almost-boob. If I were an artist like Tracy Emin I could have taken casts of the different shaped boobs I’ve sported over the last year and exhibit them at Tate Modern. I would pile every bra I’ve ever worn in the middle of the floor, a lamentation or celebration of a past. I would call it Every boob I’ve ever slept with. Hmm, now that’s got me thinking… Wonder what Damian formaldehyde Hirst would do? Yeuch. But I’m not Damien Hirst or Tracy Emin. I’m me and I will sit it out. Work in progress as the artists say.

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