If you knew the depths of my heart,
if I exposed it for you to see,
its blood,
its beat,
its fever,
you could maybe know the bottom of my love.
You would also know that your body is a dreamland,
that your emerald eyes are the horizon of desire.
All of these
could go in words,
only the purest,
the shiniest,
the most transparent
there could be.
And it would be like a poem.
If I could tell you then how I feel in such a poem
you would surely kiss the ink on the paper
and my lips would stay untouched by your kiss.
Comments
scratch | December 13, 2011 - 22:09
Out of context "And it would be like a poem" is uninspiring, but when placed in context with the whole it is pure brilliance in terms of it's effect on the poetic expression and the communication of depth of feeling and sentiment. This one line works so well that I have to say it was the cause of me reviewing the piece. But in doing so I have had several reads and each time the whole poem has rewarded my efforts.
Daniel Saint-John | December 13, 2011 - 22:24
@scratch. Thank you very much, I trully appreciate your comment. I know what you mean. I agree with your viewpoint and it proved quite tricky to place that line in the right spot. One other poem of mine had something similiar but went all wrong. I guess I nail it this time since it moved you to comment. I am grateful.
Excelsior!
shyrewode | December 13, 2011 - 22:34
I found myself reading this several times just to take it all in. Some great imagery here.