A Bird in the Hand

Quite depressing! Really liked:

'they loom
In a crowd of cloud of blue
Cigarette dreams, but their heads
Are dipped by circumstance.'

Not sure about this line however:

'pints
Of lager top of acceptability
Of daytime drinking'

An acute observation.

I don't think depressing at all, can appear to be understood as political or social critique, but it's broader and more generous than that, it's very on point to downturn. I was going to suggest putting more stress on waiting in line, but 'An unknown few as they line up' and with 'The job centre, sign askew,' there does not appear to be much work to wait in line for. A job center anywhere, there is one nearby that can stand in for this place by just Americanizing centre/center, pub/bar, etc. The last 3 lines are just what 'Ambition passes at six' does.

Thanks for comments. What is it you don't like Jennifer? How it reads? It doesn't work? The rhythm?

Oh I see what you mean Dendrite...yes I could emphasise that more I guess...will take some thought though...

That line doesn't make sense to me, too many ofs, perhaps? It just jarred in a poem that otherwise flowed well.

And I stand by my comment that it is depressing. Social realism usually is!

Ah I see, I did that deliberately though as in other places in the poem.

Yes, it makes sense elsewhere. Maybe it's just me. Apparently, I'm not normal.

Thank God for that!

I think this is brilliant, intelligently written and very astute. I love:
'.....warrior clientele
Grace these pavements of mire
Of grime of time swept
Up only by dry pockets'
I see places like this often and only wish I could articulate the essence of them as you have with such class.

Again, I'm late to the party.

I really like how this says so much so economically.

The last two lines in the second stanza are particularly good. 'It flicks its hair and moves away' says so much.

Thanks for comments. I'm not always economic too so glad you thought I was here!