The man in the black suit stood out,
His collar was open, greying where
Neck had greased it, wore a chain
Of sweat that started at his hairline.
Suit aside, his shoes were too polished
For here, this coffee and murk for magpies
Souk where trinkets were traded, scented
Pipes smoked fogging the space between
Each hot person who created this crowd.
Under the fanning whirr of indecipherable
Shouts, the barters - the cruxes of matters,
He moved adeptly, but with one eye
For his shoulder, he would stop at a stall
Here and there and glance behind
Just as if Hitchcock had said, “Look back,
That’s it, hold the panic for a moment,”
And then some flunky would run over
On cue and spray the brow with fresh shots
Of perspiration, he had a Cary Grant look
That’s for certain, heavily tanned like hide,
Not sturdy, but lithe as if he was a cat
On whom now many mice had turned,
On whom kohl rimmed lids had turned
And pause, anticipating a pistol shot firing
From some shady, underworld corner,
Suspense piquing at the advert break
And Special K, but probably, probably
He is late for work and I, a tourist daydreamer.
Comments
Macjoyce | August 9, 2008 - 15:45
Do you know a bloke called Slovitt over on UKA? He is almost as much of a cock as e-griff. There's a very amusing and acrimonious argument between me and him over his recent poem 'Politic', if such things actually interest you.
Anyway, I mention him because he does the same thing you do, and I'm not sure if it works. You use capital letters at the start of every line, even when the enjambement is very sharp, like 'scented/Pipes' and 'indecipherable/Shouts'. Are you sure you want to end and begin your lines in this way? Personally I find it clumsy and difficult to read. Otherwise it's a good poem.
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Doeslittle | August 9, 2008 - 16:05
No, but you have whetted my appetite for reading acrimonious rows so perhaps I'll take a look! I have been asked about this before...I don't know why I do it, it's just how I started writing poems and I've always done it, may have to try and break the habit. Thanks for the comment.
Dynamaso | August 12, 2008 - 07:01
Looks as though your trip to Egypt has already started to bear fruit. I really like this and have no problem whatsoever with the capitals at the start of each line.
I've read a lot of poetry in my time and there doesn't seem to be a definitive answer as to whether this is the right way or not. Most poetry I've read adopts the capatilised letter at the start of each line. Then there are poets like e e cummings, who don't use either capitals or punctuation at all.
I think it really is up to the individual.
Doeslittle | August 13, 2008 - 10:01
Thanks Dynamaso. As I said, it's been mentioned to me before - the capitals thing. I suppose I don't find it clumsy as I've always written like it, it just looks clumsy to the non-capitals poets. I'm not deeply attached to it for any particular reason though, just I'm not technically educated in creative writing so I don't know about these things.